i’ve been meaning to write a blog post all day but i’ve been distracted.  distracted by my gas filled, bloated stomach (tmi?) that makes strange noises and makes it impossible to sleep (both during the day and at night – i’ve tried both) and distracted by the death of RUE MCCLANAHAN.  it’s hard for me to imagine a world without blanche – i mean it would be like a world without brenda walsh.  i wonder if i’ll have time to obsess about these types of things once i’m a mom.  who am i kidding – i’ve got my priorities.

in order to distract myself from my distractions i’m thinking about the following things:

1. i just read THIS post by INDIANA, one of my favorite fashion bloggers who is now pregnant as well.  when doing research for where and how i wanted this baby to be born i quickly nixed one birth center when the home page loaded on my screen and featured walls painted with placenta.  yeah – no.

2. TODDLERS IN TIARAS has got to be the most upsetting show currently on television.  these girls and their moms are absolute terrors.  i saw currently because I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS PREGNANT: ON A BOAT doesn’t premiere until next week.  (as a side note…now that i’m actually pregnant – how the hell do these women not realize they are pregnant.  the fact that my stomach has popped is a sign for sure but if i didn’t know i was pregnant all of the puking and aching and exhaustion would lead me straight to a doctor…and i don’t go to doctors).

3. have you been watching the REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC???  what if my face does what BETHANNY’S face did?  this keeps me up at night (this AND the gas = a lethal combination).

tomorrow is a BIG day in the BN household.  finding out the gender of this kid growing inside me?  no, we’re not going that route – after-all, i deal so well with surprises (ha!).  finally planting some veggies in our overgrown backyard?  not so much, maybe next year.  no, tomorrow is a big day because our new bed arrives!  that’s right, ABN and i are finally joining the rest of the adult world with a queen size bed.  it’s funny, while our full bed was always a tight snuggle, it worked quite well – until recently.  you see, this lady with her rapidly expanding belly (by the day, hour, minute!!) needs more space and i’m hoping (praying) that those extra six inches make all the difference.

yesterday was a day full of laying on mattress after mattress (can you get lice from laying on mattresses at a store?) and trying to imagine myself dozing off into a peaceful sleep.  we didn’t go into this experience blind.  no, i’m married to ABN and he is in his MOST happy place when doing research (must be something about that PhD).  it doesn’t matter the subject (hawaiian vacation rentals, strollers, where we should eat dinner), he’s on it…with gusto…for hours.  not so helpful when trying to make a quick decision but he takes his work seriously and so far, he hasn’t led me astray.

we did the whole deed in only two stops and even after the first stop (which included ABN laying on each mattress for 20 minutes – research shows that this is how long it takes to find the perfect mattress) we had narrowed down our options to a winner.  we went to a second store to see if we could get a slightly better deal (ie free delivery) and found the same mattress.  after going back and forth, trying to decide if this was indeed the right mattress for us (it’s quite different from what we are used to and felt like a big decision) the sales guy said the magic words that if he had said 2 hours earlier would have made this process MUCH easier – “this is the mattress that the westin calls the HEAVENLY BED.”  and sold.

so tomorrow, at 7:30 am, our new mattress is being delivered.  this big day also marks the start of THE GREAT BN PURGE OF 2010.  that’s right, this kid is arriving in just over 5 months and while the kid itself will take up very little room, the kid’s stuff is going to be a different animal.  we are already a family with A LOT of stuff so it’s time to start to downsize.  it turns out that in addition to being a researcher, ABN is also quite sentimental and likes to hold on to everything.  we are very lucky that we have a basement and so theoretically he can keep EVERYTHING, and simply move it out of the way (he’s having a hard enough time dealing with this concept).  but i’m hoping (praying) that he decides to get rid of some of it.  i’m hoping that if i can make some progress tomorrow with my own piles, i’ll be provide the inspiration that he needs.

i’m back from the east coast and in major recover mode.  i had a wonderful time seeing my parents (who spoiled me with maternity clothes, diet coke and homemade bagels) and juggling 48 hours among friends (late night talks, one cute baby, bridal showers and appetizers on screened in porch) and most importantly a dinner at PUNJAB (apparently all this pregnant girl ever needed – hold the rice!).  somehow my trip didn’t include my daily required nap and so, for the last few days, i’ve been playing catch up.

in addition to napping, i bought a bridesmaid’s dress six sizes bigger than my current size for CASTLE ROOMATE’S august wedding (omg, i’m gonna be huge) and ventured into my first baby store where i promptly got super overwhelmed and had to leave.  in addition i watched the two hour season finale of GREYS in approximately 10 minutes.  and then i watched THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY in depth, rewinding twice to make sure i caught every minute.

today i made my 2nd annual appearance at MAKER FAIRE and i have seen many things – many of these things i am still in the process of processing.  many of these things included goggles and brass which is apparently a THING, but a thing i’ve never heard of.  i also ate falafel and kettle corn (i think it was the kettle corn that set me over the edge…i’m feeling pukey).  to make the event even more memorable, ABN bought me a little crocheted piece of poop….really.

but really, getting back to food (because, that is what’s important), i think i’m having a craving….or at least…a strong want.  i want really good bread, toasted, with tomato and avocado and parmesan cheese.  doesn’t that sound awesome?  also, maybe some celery with cream cheese.

i am never going to get used to this being able to be online while in the sky thing!  it makes the flight so much more pleasant and at $12.95 for a six hour flight, i really find the cost/satisfaction ratio extremely reasonable.  i mean a freaking cookie is like $7!  and that lasts about 35 seconds, on a good day.

so i’m flying east – a mandatory trip to westport.  now that i’m knocked up my parents (and, i can admit it, me too) are acutely aware of how far away we are from one another.  when you grow up with all four or your grandparents living in spitting distance from you, 3,000 miles does seem a bit unreasonable.  i’m going so that my mom can make me a cheese souffle and my dad can feed me homemade bagels.

as any reader knows, under the best set of circumstances i’m not the best flyer and under these circumstances i’ve been a nervous wreck.  not because i’m worried about the spawn currently growing inside me.  it will be fine – i’m sure.  but i fear puke and dizziness and general discomfort.  to combat these issues i have packed enough snacks to feed a small pre-school.  sour gummy candy, honeynut cheerios, ginger snaps, prestzel rods, jelly beans, a bagel and cream cheese, taco salad, two different kinds of mints – i could go on.  when i arrived at the airport i also bought a large size FIJI water and i immediately thought of EDDIE who thought this water, coming from FIJI, was dirty water.  he wouldn’t like the fact that i’m drinking it, especially while PREGNANT.  it made me laugh out loud.

between the Dramamine and the snacks and the water and the sea-bands, so far, so good.  being able to work while aboard a flight helps too.  it’s like a typical day except my phone won’t ring.

my parents must really love me, and this spawn, because they are picking me up from JFK right in the heart of rush hour.  i think the plan is to head straight to the diner for a turkey sandwich.

i promise that this entire pregnancy is not about food – although clearly it’s playing a big role.  i’ve been having weird-ass dreams too.  like two nights ago when i dreamt that as a married, pregnant 29-year-old i had to go back to THE BIG M to finish some class that i hadn’t quite finished before.  and i had to wear a uniform.  the craziest part of the dream was that my khaki skirt from 1997 still fit.  unfortunately, just to make life SLIGHTLY more difficult, THE BIG M was in the process of deeming those skirts OUT of uniform, and only approving of the grey flannel skirt which i know longer owned.  luckily, in my dream i was still in touch with some of the girls i went to high school with and so i asked around.  oh they were willing to sell me their skirts, for $300 a piece.  thanks girls, thanks.

alright, it looks like they are almost done with beverage service and this pregnant woman has been sitting for over an hour and needs to empty her bladder.  also it’s 10:23 am and the guy in front of me has already ordered two jack and cokes.  we have 4 1/2 hours left.  AWESOME.

in an effort to not have to play catch up on three months in one blog post, ever.again. i’m back to blogging a semi-regular basis.  not only have i missed the part of my day that is filled with writing and nothing else, but i am realizing that if i don’t write it down, i might not remember and that would just be – well, sad.

while there have been a lot of foods that i’ve been staying away from: the aforementioned rice, any kind of meat (except for one insatiable craving for an in n’ out cheeseburger), cooked vegetables and jello (there was a BAD incident early on which may lead me to never eat jello again – it’s sad really) – there are a few foods that have truly gotten me through the last few weeks.

it started with honeynut cheerios.  while i kept this secret from almost everyone, fairly early on, just as the nausea started to kick in i found myself on the phone with DIDDY and while our visits are few and far between i still feel myself sharing things with this former GUCCI that i wouldn’t share with anyone else.  anyway she said that when she was pregnant the cheerios worked for her and next thing i knew i was eating them by the handful.  now they are a little too sweet for me and my “swamp mouth” but boy did they settle a stomach.

next up – ginger snaps.  ABN went ginger happy the second my tum started to turn.  he literally bought out the whole ginger aisle at whole foods – bet you didn’t know there was a ginger aisle, oh but there is.  the ginger ale, the ginger gummy bears, the ginger pieces, the ginger tea…it all made me…puke.  but those ginger snaps.  to this day i still don’t leave my house without a little ziploc baggie full of them.  just to be safe.  and ABN?  he’s been doing a great job of drinking the ginger ales…after all, he bought three different kinds.

my mom is particularly excited that i’ve found comfort in orange slices (NOTE: not orange juice.  PUKE).  apparently, that’s what she ate when she was knocked up way back when.  while the slices are good, it’s really lemon slices that i love.  the juice cuts through the swamp mouth like no other.  sure, this might lead to my teeth falling out but at this point, i’m sorta willing to take that chance.

and finally – the occasional fountain soda diet coke.  i know, i know.  keep your caffeine down to a minimum…and a minimum i have.  i’ve completely cut out the coffee – which let me tell you, is quite the fete.  but every few days, when my energy is particularly low, that fountain soda diet coke just makes everything better.  the bubbles, the taste, the buzz.  we all need a vice and this one is mine! (luckily i’m a natural red head so i don’t have to dye my hair).

i don’t know if i’d consider any of these foods that i’ve been eating cravings – more than anything they just get me through the day.

bagels on the other hand…i’d say that’s a craving.

i’ve been a bit (ha!) out of touch.  but i’m back…let me explain.

here’s what i’ve learned in my 3 months of not blogging:

1. i’m apparently quite fertile – and if we have a daughter, i will be warning her of this family trait the second she starts high school.

2. morning sickness can last all freaking day (and night) and is like no other “sickness” i’ve ever experienced.  i mean, maybe it’s because i don’t really ever get sick but feeling on the verge of vomit 24/7 for about 7 weeks is just awful.

3. working from home is basically the best thing ever, especially while constantly on the verge of vomit

4. sucking on a lemon helps

5. sucking on a lemon may destroy your teeth

6. teeth aren’t as important as everyone seems to think – really.

7. parents cry with joy when you tell them you are knocked up – even if you’re announcement is immediately followed by a threat that you might puke in their car

8. nanis get nose bleeds

9. some parents (my mom) immediately loose their minds and start screaming “how did this happen?!  what do you mean?! how did this happen?!”  mom – do you really need me to break it down for you?

10. doctors seem to think it’s funny to plant the idea “it might be twins”, leading one (me) to obsess about the possibility of multiples for the next 5 weeks

11. after confirming that there is indeed only one babe, one (me) can move on to other obsessions like tails and horns

12. apparently there’s this thing called SWAMP MOUTH (see lemons)

13. sometimes moms will come to california just to make eggs to settle your stomach.  okay that’s a bit of an exaggeration but the eggs did help (so did the lamp chops that she made for ABN)

14. beverly hills 90210 is on from 4-6 every weekday, the perfect relief after a mandatory nap

15. sharing the news makes the nausea go away – temporarily

16. all the cute pregnant people can give you a major complex

17. blow drying your hair and putting on a little make up can help with this complex

18. a little fountain soda diet coke never hurt anyone

19. this kid is going to come out asking for a bagel with cream cheese – or two bagels with cream cheese

20. just hearing the word rice makes me gag

okay i know that sounds like a lot of bad…and the truth is ABN and i are both over the moon (and our families are over the moon and around the back to jump over it once again).  it’s just been hard to keep quiet and by hard i should also say that for a number of weeks looking at the computer screen also made me run toward the toilet.  now that this is all super official (the internet knows!) we’re just taking it all one day at a time.  no more looking back on the past three months of puke – we’re moving forward.  second trimester!  yeah baby (i crack myself up).

so stay tuned…after all, i’m blogging for two!

i know, i’ve been such a bad blogger – and i have no real excuse.  sure i was in LA and then my parents were in town – but there was some down time and catching up on my blogging world just didn’t seem to find it’s way in.  i can’t promise that i’m going to have much to say any time soon.  i’m going to try to be more motivated – but i don’t want to force myself.

i’ve been feeling all kinds of icksa recently – and so instead of spending extended hours at starbucks i’ve spent a lot more time on my couch which is way less conducive to blogging.  today i forced myself out – i’m hoping that i can last two hours before the overwhelming urge to retreat takes over.

for the last two nights i’ve had these ridiculously vivid dreams that for some reason we have to do EDDIE’S funeral again.  like the first time didn’t count or something.  and there’s this big fight about who will speak and what we will say.  am i supposed to say the same thing again?  won’t people be bored?  and then last night, at the end of the funeral in my dreams – there was this big musical number complete with like 50 or 60 acrobats hanging from material from the ceiling a la PINK AT THE GRAMMYS.

what the fuck is wrong with me?

remember that time i decided to be all planner-y and made the matzah balls for passover like more than a week ahead of time? (i say more than a week because we’re hosting our seder on friday night…i never claimed to be traditional).  anyway, you might not remember because i’m just telling you about it for the first time now.  but that’s how i spent my morning – putting together the menu, organizing a shopping list and preparing the matzah balls (yes, i’m using the three boxes of mix that i have left over, unopened from last year).  the matzah balls are supposed to sit in a covered simmering pot for 30 minutes, so i noted the time and plopped down in front of an episode of SVU circa 2002 that i had somehow never seen (i know!).  well, it wasn’t until those 30 minutes had passed me by, plus an additional 15 that i jumped from the couch and ran to the stove.  turns out when matzah balls over cook, they sink.  happens to be my preferred type of matzah ball but i know that others prefer the floaters, so now as this next batch simmers, i’m watching the clock a bit more closely.  i mean i guess better the matzah balls than the brisket…am i right?

we’re back from a long weekend in chicago where we ran between friends, hotdogs, family, a wedding – with israeli dancing AND an hour and 15 minute hora AMAZING, and more friends.  there was also snow, which was just…strange.

oh and i sorta started a new project while on the plane….stay tuned

you guys, i just finished reading THE WORST BOOK.  and by finished i mean that i read the entire thing even though i hated almost every minute of it.  i kept thinking it would get better, that somehow the issues would resolve themselves.  but not so much.  instead the book ended with  basically no resolution and i’ve spent the last 45 minutes trying to find out the aftermath (because of course it was memoir).  in my searching i found this review by NPR’s linda holmes and i think her feelings sum up my feelings quite well:

“…her latest book, Cleaving, one of the most unpleasant reading experiences I’ve ever had. Not uncomfortable, not challenging, not in-your-face, not too real. Unpleasant to read, ultimately pretty boring except when it’s irritating, and a book from which I took nothing away at all except perhaps a clarification of my own sense of what I do and don’t want to read. “

i read a lot of bad books but this one left me feeling all kinds of icksa.  on top of everything i’m a day late returning it to the library (one book i’m glad not to own) so it’s going to cost me 25 cents.  what does a girl do in this situation?  immediately pick up a new book – this time i’m reading THE HOUR IF FIRST BELIEVED – sure to be upbeat and fun – kidding.

in other news, my parents have been without MEDIA (my mom’s words not mine) since major storms hit the east coast on saturday.  being without media might possibly be my worst nightmare.  it’s hard enough to live on the west coast and be three hours late to breaking celebrity gossip (have you heard that JESSE JAMES cheated on SANDRA BULLOCK!?!).

after some time at the gym and  a quick stop at the library (i currently have 9 holds ready for pick up), it’s home to make the matzah balls for passover.  because, that’s booger is about to sneak up on us.

so i decided to suck it up and buy a new dress.  while i totally appreciated all your words of encouragement (and i’m titillated – get it? – by the idea of a minimizer) i realized i’d probably end up spending more on the bra and shoes (because i needed both) than a comfy dress.  i mean, i’m not giving up on my gorgeous champagne number, it’s a classic piece, but i’ll save it for next time around.  also, this wedding is in chicago and if memory serves correctly it’s sorta cold in chicago and so nylons (i know, what?) might be necessary and nylons are a no-go with the champagne dress.  THESE on the other hand, match the new number perfectly.

our weekend was spent eating – a lovely dinner with family friends in sausalito and then yesterday in napa.   we hit up three wineries, snacked on fish tacos and finished our day with dinner at AD HOC. (if you’re interested, i’ll share the menu).  the meal was out of this world (smashed fingerling potatoes are a good thing) and the price point quite comfortable.  the best part is i didn’t hurl in the car on the way home – but that’s another story for another time.

since the incident of the dress not zipping up it’s been back to the gym for me.  i struggled in making my choice.  after all, one benefit of THE JOB was the gym membership that came with it.  and there’s no great gym close to me.  so i settled for a really lame-o circuit gym down the street but at $26 a month – it has me moving and that’s probably what’s most important.

i’m reading a book about BUTCHERY and ADULTERY and it’s due back at the library on wednesday and i can’t renew it because it’s in hot demand so, BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE A KINDLE (i’m just saying) i’ve gotta get back to reading.