okay – so embarassing but…

1. i dvr THE VIEW everyday

2. i’m watching this now, as i type.

3. NADYA SULEMAN is even crazier than i ever, EVER understood.

i think i also forgot to mention that i went  to visit THE EXPERT at PINEAPPLE NATION on monday before mahj.  it was sorta depressing how much had changed – and how much hadn’t.  and the fact that the clothes are way too expensive (and cheaply made) without the discount.

and – my legs are blue.  i wore jeans on monday – not new jeans, but jeans that i’ve worn maybe 150 times before (and that’s being conservative) and when i took them off, my thighs were blue.  and now, two days and two showers later, they are still blue.  thoughts? concerns?

did i mention i’m making a turkey breast for dinner?  ABN is so lucky (although he’d probably prefer leg of lamb).

i know i’ve talked about mahj often, but i don’t think i’ve said much about the wonderful ladies that i play with.  it’s a totally random group of girls – who all came together at camp last summer (yep, they worked for me.  they have to be my friends).  we’ve become great friends over passing tiles.  we know that 5 girls in their 20s playing mahj is not typical.  we are definitely a lively bunch – drinking wine, gossiping, calling our mom’s for guidance.  we have nicknames and plans for tshirts and even a set of plastic chanukah cups from target.  they’ve been incredibly supportive throughout the last few months.  i feel incredibly lucky to have such good friends in my city.

each girl is worthy of her own blog post and over time i’m sure that will come – but after playing last night i’m left with thinking about something that MAHJ IN ERROR said.

poor MAHJ IN ERROR (MIE from here on out).   she recently tore her ACL and MCL and probably a few other CL things that i don’t know about.  i’m so impressed by her positive attitude.  if i tore anything, or you know, stubbed my toe, i’d be bitching (and have bitched) from here to mars, but this girl is all whatevs, i just got into grad school, i went antiquing last weekend, i had a birthday party where i told everyone to wear pajamas and they did – MAHJONG!  she’s also the only girl in the group who didn’t grow up playing mahjong (oh wait, i didn’t grow up playing mahjong either – i knew there was a reason i felt a special kind of connection) and she’s totally picked up the game and isn’t afraid to ask questions or talk while playing or fuck it all up (hence her nickname).

so last night she’s talking about how on top of everything else her workman’s comp money isn’t coming through and in my head i’m all – if this was me i’d be having all kinds of panic attacks and she’s all – yeah it sucks but i decided if i have surgery, i’m just going to write a book.  what the what?  if i had surgery, i’d sit on my ass all day and eat chocolate fudge brownie ice cream, i’m just saying.

she said that she wants to write about being 24 and having had 12 different best friends (okay, it was actually way deeper and more introspective than that but, i need to get to my point eventually).  as the other girls gabbed about their friendship histories i silently passed my tiles, half listening to them, and half thinking about myself and my many friendship pasts.  when i was 24 (which with my birthday approaching feels like a freaking long time ago), i think i could have also said that i had averaged a new best friend about every 2 years.  some friendships lasted (and in some cases continue to last) longer – but most my friendships in the past have been transient at best – transient and intense.

at some point we can talk about this more (i think about it A LOT) but what i didn’t say last night (mostly because i didn’t fully understand it until i was wide awake at 3:30 this morning – earthquake, anyone?? i could have sworn…) is that my friendships that have continued since i was 24 are the strongest friendships i’ve ever had.  i’m not sure if it has to do with age, or ABN, or life circumstances or simply knowing what i need from friends and what they need from me.  but i see a really big difference in my relationships.  and while i may not have a new best friend every two years – i’m pretty sure the old friends that i have and the new friends that i make – are in it for the long haul.

MAHJONG!

back from hawaii – back in my local starbucks – back to blogging – and tonight – back to mahj.  it’s not a bad transition back to reality if i do say so myself.

our little escape was exactly that.  sure, i called home (see MOM, i called your house home!) and NANI every other day – but it’s just my natural way and a natural way really shouldn’t be messed with – even while on vacation.  i thought about not calling, but if i hadn’t called i would have just obsessed about calling so really, picking up the phone was the better, saner option.

there’s no doubt about it – i’m pink.  my chest and the top of one ass cheek are possibly on the red-er side of pink, but since pink is my favorite color, i’ll argue that until the bitter end.  but pink, once in a blue moon, isn’t such a bad thing – at least in my warped brain.  i’m covered head to toe in freckles – like a lot of freckles – like one big freckle – which i love.  i look healthy and like i’ve been sitting in the sun for the last seven days – which is exactly how it’s been.

highlights included – in no particular order:

• making a list of pros and cons before deciding what bedroom in our vacation rental we would sleep in – yes there were multiple options
• opening all the windows so that we could hear the waves and feel the ocean breeze while we slept
• cooking fresh fish – fish tacos and tuna steaks
• sending ABN for a snack while we were on the beach and having him return with PORK NACHOS – best.snack.ever.
• becoming the mayor of JO-JOs shaved ice (i just checked, my reign is ongoing!)
• reading – two vanity fairs,  one book about infertility (recommended for work – CLUE), BORN ROUND, 7 new yorkers AND STILL dreaming about a KINDLE (after making ABN carry my suitcase full of books, i think i’m a little closer)
• teaching ABN how to boogie board (and by teaching i mean standing on the beach as he hops over waves, nudging young children out of the way in order to secure the best angle and then rides said wave all the way into the sand bank.  its possible after a couple of hours he decided we could no longer share one boogie board and went back to rent a second.  best $3 ever spent).
• finding PU’NANI coffee
• fried scallops at the BEACH HOUSE
• sunsets and scrabble every night on the beach ACROSS THE STREET from our rental
• not puking on the ride to WAIMEA CANYON
• ABN listening to endless amounts of LADY GAGA AND PARTY IN THE USA
• the washing machine and dryer in our vacation rental (at least i’m consistent)
• A PRESIDENT FROM HAWAII
• every night, post shower, ABN says – you’re hair is so red and you are one big freckle!
• flip flops and bathing suits 24/7
• talking about putting another vacation on the calendar – FEBRUARY 2012!!

our sunset beach

basking in the glow of not puking during our twisty, turny, bumpy ride

ABN in all his boogie-boarding glory

alright, starbucks smells like peptobismol – a suprisingly comforting smell, but i’ve probably over stayed my welcome/i have a conference call.

we’re heading out tomorrow for a much deserved vacay.  i know it seems like we travel a lot – and we do – but tried and true vacations, especially those that are for just the two us – are few and far between.  we’ve been planning this one for basically the last year and a half and by planning i mean we’ve had a “vacation just the two of us” marked on the calendar.  we made plane and hotel reservations a few months ago.  and that’s the extent of any plans.  which seems perfect.

i’ve packed.  a suitcase full of dresses and flip flops and bathing suits and books.  now ABN just has to come home from his conference in phoenix (of course his flight was delayed) and then we can go.  i’ve already told him that if for some reason he can’t make it back in time, i’m heading there without him.  i figure he’ll find his way

i hear there’s no blogging while on vacation – so i’ll catch you on the flipside.  until then, mahalo, and thank you.

i’m currently at starbucks doing my thang and i’m sitting next to the weirdest.guy.ever.  he keeps doing this thing where he blows air through his mouth and it rattles his cheeks.  and he’s bouncing his knee like a just potty trained 4 year old who doesn’t want to draw attention to himself by asking where the nearest toilet is so instead he’ll just shake and shimmy until he pees in pants – just a little.  i hate this man with a passion – but the starbucks is crowded and even if i did move to the other side of the place it’s not like i could ignore him at this point.  his one saving grace is that while they played LIZ PHAIR he sang along.  so i hate him a little bit less.  but just a little.

in other news – is anyone else craving a red velvet cupcake?

i woke up about 2:30 this morning – unable to fall back asleep.  it’s the first time this has happened in a while and it left me feeling upset, unsettled and worried.  as if losing her husband of 63 years wasn’t enough, NANI has had a rough go of it for the last few days and somehow, it dawned on me in the middle of the night, that things might be worse than i had allowed myself to understand.  instead of doing the rational thing (because i rarely do the rational thing) which includes getting up, taking an ativan, and climbing back into bed – i laid still for 4 more hours staring straight up at the ceiling, getting more and more upset while sweating like a feverish beast.  at 6:30 i shook ABN and then propelled myself out of bed to call my mom (don’t ask me why i waited that long as it was already 9:30 on the east coast).  because she’s mother, when the phone stopped ringing the first words out of her mouth were: what’s wrong?

so i did what i do best – i cried while she told me that while things aren’t really okay, they are okay enough.  NANI is going back to the doctor today.  she’s being taken care of.  i can’t write about what i’m really worried about here because i know it’s not the place.  if i don’t actually write down my real fears, then you can’t prove i’m thinking it.  i’m sure that if you read between the lines, its not a far stretch.  i’m still reeling from the events of this fall and i hurts to much to consider going through anything like that again.  NANI and i are connected by more than just our red hair.

after hanging up with my mom and snotting all over ABN, i fell into the deepest sleep imaginable and dreamed that i had ripped off each of my fingernails.  when i woke up it was 8:45, ABN was on a conference call and i was confused by what was real and what was imagined.

to make myself feel better i’ve dog-eared every other page of the GARNET HILL catalogue.  i recently went on their website and requested that i receive a copy in the mail rather than just get emails about sales and such.  NANI’s house is piled high with catalogues.  when i was in town at the beginning of the month we went through three baskets (which is just the beginning) and got rid of MOST mailings prior to 1999 (most).  when my family first moved to CT, NANI sent endless amounts of flannel sheets from GARENT HILL – i’d wrap myself in brightly colored butterflies and and blue and lavender stars.  the softest sheets – the highest quality.  the last thing i need right now are flannel sheets – but as i thumb through the pages of the catalogue, i can’t really imagine wanting anything more.

a weekend that a few weeks ago would have been impossible because i would have been stressing about the work that was ahead of me.  and now – i’m just not.  at some point i’ll write more about the work that i am doing but for right now, just know, it’s making me happy and not crazy and allows me time to do important things like buy ABN socks.

a weekend that started with a shabbat dinner with a few friends and a HUGE homemade challah and ended with a late lunch in tiburon – quite a fete in february and yet another reminder of why living on the west coast is the right coast for me.  in the middle of it all there was a rocous game of BALDERDASH, a bathroom re-do estimate (remember how i asked for a new bathtub?  well new bathtub has turned into a full bathroom remodel complete with turning our odd two-room-bathroom into the usual – one – picture me doing the happy red head dance!), dinner with an old friend from chicago, a delicious cold beer and IRON CHEF with the ACE OF CAKES.  somehow this weekend was also full of an enormous amount of hugging and kissing and “i love yous”.  it’s been lovely indeed.

so finally, my dear readers, a question: thoughts and feelings on the KINDLE?  see, i’ve got a birthday right around the corner and i’m sorta weighing my options.  i’d consider myself a fairly major reader.  sure,  i came to it a bit later in life (i mean, i was not the cousin who always walked around with her nose in a book) but now, i don’t feel complete unless i’m reading something and have at least two or three books in the queue (so to speak).  i’m a BIG fan of the library.  i read a nice  mix of pure shit (TWILIGHT) and absolute genius (BEL CANTO) and appreciate the balance i’ve created in my life.  the problem with the library is i feel that i have no record of what i’ve read (which the KINDLE only sorta solves) and no way to go back.  and also, i keep having this problem that i’ve talked about before, where i request books from the library and then they all come in at about the same time and so i now have 17 books piled on my nightstand.  this makes me break out in hives.  we’re going to hawaii next week (i know!) and i plan to spend a large chunk of my time under an umbrella reading.  but now i’m lugging at least 5 hardcover books with me – which seems – heavy.  but on the flip side – how do i REALLY feel about reading a book on screen?

so weigh in, let me know your thoughts…

remember how ABN and i put together a list of wants from our landlord?  for the last couple of days i’ve been waiting, wondering, hoping for news.  well – today, when i went down to pick up the mail (yep, i didn’t leave the house until almost 3 today, whatever i got a lot done – more of that to come) there was a letter from our landlord.  she agreed to ALL of our changes!  i sorta can’t believe it!  new bathtub, new bathroom door, new paint in the kitchen (gone will be the hideous wallpaper), 4 new windows and lights in our dark hallway.  a-maz-ing!  because of insurance the landlord wants to hire the contractor for the work, which is fine by me.   i guess it means our rent will stay the same but it also means we don’t have to move so…all is well.  this afternoon i ran out to pick up some paint samples – how do think ABN would feel about a fuschia kitchen?

in an effort to get the clutter that is our place under control i resolved to tackle one room or closet each week – working from home allows for this – its just one of the perks.  my first week i organized my closet (and made $109 selling clothes  – did i forget to mention that?).  last week, i took off because i was in LA (packing was challenge enough).  today i tackled our back room – shudder.  i packed up the crafts i haven’t touched since we moved and put them in the basement.  i went through my books and made a pile to donate to the library.  i moved the washer and dryer and microwave and toaster.  i cleaned off my desk.  it’s possible i also threw my brand new scanner across the room, but it’s still scanning so really, we are all good.  the room is spotless.  and i have rewarded myself with a frozen yogurt.

have i mentioned that we leave for hawaii in 10 days?  i realize today i don’t own a bathing suit.  i’ve gotta get on that.

according to myheritage.com my one of my celebrity doppelganger is BARRY WILLIAMS.  fml

i woke up this morning and my first thought was, i need to blog about the dream i had last night.  but now, at 11:34 am, i have little to no recollection of what that dream was about although i’m 95% certain it involved KHLOE KARDASHIAN.  wait, now that i wrote that, i’m fairly sure it involved LAMAR too (yes, i know who she’s married too.  whatever  i sorta love her.  judge away).  speaking of the kardashians, did anyone watch last night (i know with the grammys and all there was stiff competition.  i managed to do both.  i amaze even myself).  a couple things to note: 1. the BILTMORE in santa barbara = my favorite place on earth and 2. vaseline on/in the vajayjay…wtf?!

this weekend was full of big decisions.  decision #1: we are not buying a place.  we spent saturday with our realtor and while he’s great and we saw a great place – we don’t know what the hell is going to be going on with us in two days, let alone two years.  we’re happy where we are.  sure, it’s a bit pricey, but its not like buying a place (in SF!) is some big bargain.  also we saw one place that actually counted a closet as a bedroom.  it was a CLOSET – and not a very big one.

decision #2: if we’re staying in our place, there are some changes that need to be made.  basically the renting market has changed a tad since we moved in a year and a half ago.  so while we LURVE our place, it would be possible to move to a place as good, or maybe even better (can you say 1.5 bathrooms!?) and still save a bunch each month (and by bunch i mean between $50-$400, that shit adds up quickly).  but, moving is a pain in the butt, and not exactly cheap either.  so yesterday ABN crafted a letter to our land lady saying we’d like to have the the following things done to our place to make it a bit more perfect.  please strip the gold, cream and black (and possibly mildew stained) striped wallpaper from the kitchen and have it repainted a color of our choosing.  personally, i’ve always wanted a yellow kitchen but with the vinyl floors and plastic cabinets, i think something more neutral would be better.  please replace four windows, two of which have been taped and cracked since before we moved in.  please install lights in our hallway so that when i shut off the light in the living room i don’t risk my life walking to the bedroom.  for that matter, we seem to have some sort of electrical short with our outside light as well – no one should have to walk up or down those stairs in the dark.  okay, for this next change you have to better understand our apartment.  basically, there’s a WC, as in a room with just a toilet and then next to that there is a room with a sink and shower/tub.  on that room there is only an accordion door.  so – please replace the accordion door (that, it should be noted, doesn’t close all the way) with a real door.  and while we’re on the bathroom, please take out the sliding shower door (which happens to be mirrored) and put in a new tub (that isn’t moldy) with a tub that allows for a shower curtain.  easy right?  we’ve offered to coordinate all the work and for my our time and energy, please reduce our rent accordingly.  i’ll keep you posted.

also, turns out i can’t raise just one eyebrow (this should surprise no one).

• added about 15 new items to my blog roll.  THE CRAZY BABY MAMA reads some really good shit
• sat in my EDDIE’s chair doing a bit of work while NANI wrote more thank you notes.  today she hit #80. she still has probably 150 more to go.  she writes an individual memoir to each person that sent a condolence note or signed the book at the funeral.  it’s a daunting task.
• listened while NANI shared the story of how she and EDDIE met.  i’ve heard the legend hundreds of times but i never get sick of it: he was stationed in texas and their mutual friend MARG invited them both over for shabbat dinner.  EDDIE offered to drive NANI home.  the next weekend they were supposed to go out on a date but NANI was sick with a bad cold and wanted to cancel.  EDDIE, having already marched 26 miles that day (i’m pretty sure this part is pure legend) offered to come and sit.  so there she was in bed, in blue and white striped pajamas, her hair in pigtails, and there he was, bare feet propped up while he sat beside her in a chair.  NANI FANNY (NANI’s mother), was fairly certain that it wouldn’t last, EDDIE was too well off (meaning, he had a car) but after meeting EDDIE only once, NANI’s father proclaimed, “she’s going to marry that man.”  it should also be noted that there’s a parallel story that involves EDDIE spitting MILK OF MAGNESIA out all over NANI’s front porch – but somehow that story didn’t come up today.
• took NANI to the cemetery.  EDDIE is buried next to NANI FANNY (well not, directly next to her, there’s room for NANI in the middle – you might think this is morbid but somehow i find comfort in the planning…whatever) so we obviously visited both graves.  as we were leaving the house NANI remembered that she wanted to bring fresh cut roses from her garden but there was only one of the quality that she required and so we brought just one, rationalizing EDDIE probably wouldn’t want a flower anyway.  the cemetery is huge with rolling hills.  the graves are all completely flat because during world war II (apparently) there was a fear that the japanese fighters would be able hide behind the gravestones.  NANI FANNY and EDDIE are buried on a steep hill and while that means its difficult for NANI (i told her she basically went for a hike) it does make for a beautiful view.  once i had NANI stable, i got down on my knees and laid my hands on the warm grass.  it still doesn’t feel real.
• watched NANI eat an entire hamburger
• met the LA RED HEAD for fro yo at TWIST.  i freaking love this place and i love spending time with her.  i know i didn’t share a lot about my time away from blogging but this girl came through for my family in a major way.  when i told NANI i was meeting her for yogurt, NANI said, you the SINGING RED HEAD (guess who’s got a new nick name?).
• chatted with DIDDY – so glad she’s back in my life

alright, NANI’s about to get out of the shower which means it’s time for dinner – in bed.  cuz that’s how we roll.