a weekend that a few weeks ago would have been impossible because i would have been stressing about the work that was ahead of me.  and now – i’m just not.  at some point i’ll write more about the work that i am doing but for right now, just know, it’s making me happy and not crazy and allows me time to do important things like buy ABN socks.

a weekend that started with a shabbat dinner with a few friends and a HUGE homemade challah and ended with a late lunch in tiburon – quite a fete in february and yet another reminder of why living on the west coast is the right coast for me.  in the middle of it all there was a rocous game of BALDERDASH, a bathroom re-do estimate (remember how i asked for a new bathtub?  well new bathtub has turned into a full bathroom remodel complete with turning our odd two-room-bathroom into the usual – one – picture me doing the happy red head dance!), dinner with an old friend from chicago, a delicious cold beer and IRON CHEF with the ACE OF CAKES.  somehow this weekend was also full of an enormous amount of hugging and kissing and “i love yous”.  it’s been lovely indeed.

so finally, my dear readers, a question: thoughts and feelings on the KINDLE?  see, i’ve got a birthday right around the corner and i’m sorta weighing my options.  i’d consider myself a fairly major reader.  sure,  i came to it a bit later in life (i mean, i was not the cousin who always walked around with her nose in a book) but now, i don’t feel complete unless i’m reading something and have at least two or three books in the queue (so to speak).  i’m a BIG fan of the library.  i read a nice  mix of pure shit (TWILIGHT) and absolute genius (BEL CANTO) and appreciate the balance i’ve created in my life.  the problem with the library is i feel that i have no record of what i’ve read (which the KINDLE only sorta solves) and no way to go back.  and also, i keep having this problem that i’ve talked about before, where i request books from the library and then they all come in at about the same time and so i now have 17 books piled on my nightstand.  this makes me break out in hives.  we’re going to hawaii next week (i know!) and i plan to spend a large chunk of my time under an umbrella reading.  but now i’m lugging at least 5 hardcover books with me – which seems – heavy.  but on the flip side – how do i REALLY feel about reading a book on screen?

so weigh in, let me know your thoughts…

remember how ABN and i put together a list of wants from our landlord?  for the last couple of days i’ve been waiting, wondering, hoping for news.  well – today, when i went down to pick up the mail (yep, i didn’t leave the house until almost 3 today, whatever i got a lot done – more of that to come) there was a letter from our landlord.  she agreed to ALL of our changes!  i sorta can’t believe it!  new bathtub, new bathroom door, new paint in the kitchen (gone will be the hideous wallpaper), 4 new windows and lights in our dark hallway.  a-maz-ing!  because of insurance the landlord wants to hire the contractor for the work, which is fine by me.   i guess it means our rent will stay the same but it also means we don’t have to move so…all is well.  this afternoon i ran out to pick up some paint samples – how do think ABN would feel about a fuschia kitchen?

in an effort to get the clutter that is our place under control i resolved to tackle one room or closet each week – working from home allows for this – its just one of the perks.  my first week i organized my closet (and made $109 selling clothes  – did i forget to mention that?).  last week, i took off because i was in LA (packing was challenge enough).  today i tackled our back room – shudder.  i packed up the crafts i haven’t touched since we moved and put them in the basement.  i went through my books and made a pile to donate to the library.  i moved the washer and dryer and microwave and toaster.  i cleaned off my desk.  it’s possible i also threw my brand new scanner across the room, but it’s still scanning so really, we are all good.  the room is spotless.  and i have rewarded myself with a frozen yogurt.

have i mentioned that we leave for hawaii in 10 days?  i realize today i don’t own a bathing suit.  i’ve gotta get on that.

according to myheritage.com my one of my celebrity doppelganger is BARRY WILLIAMS.  fml

i woke up this morning and my first thought was, i need to blog about the dream i had last night.  but now, at 11:34 am, i have little to no recollection of what that dream was about although i’m 95% certain it involved KHLOE KARDASHIAN.  wait, now that i wrote that, i’m fairly sure it involved LAMAR too (yes, i know who she’s married too.  whatever  i sorta love her.  judge away).  speaking of the kardashians, did anyone watch last night (i know with the grammys and all there was stiff competition.  i managed to do both.  i amaze even myself).  a couple things to note: 1. the BILTMORE in santa barbara = my favorite place on earth and 2. vaseline on/in the vajayjay…wtf?!

this weekend was full of big decisions.  decision #1: we are not buying a place.  we spent saturday with our realtor and while he’s great and we saw a great place – we don’t know what the hell is going to be going on with us in two days, let alone two years.  we’re happy where we are.  sure, it’s a bit pricey, but its not like buying a place (in SF!) is some big bargain.  also we saw one place that actually counted a closet as a bedroom.  it was a CLOSET – and not a very big one.

decision #2: if we’re staying in our place, there are some changes that need to be made.  basically the renting market has changed a tad since we moved in a year and a half ago.  so while we LURVE our place, it would be possible to move to a place as good, or maybe even better (can you say 1.5 bathrooms!?) and still save a bunch each month (and by bunch i mean between $50-$400, that shit adds up quickly).  but, moving is a pain in the butt, and not exactly cheap either.  so yesterday ABN crafted a letter to our land lady saying we’d like to have the the following things done to our place to make it a bit more perfect.  please strip the gold, cream and black (and possibly mildew stained) striped wallpaper from the kitchen and have it repainted a color of our choosing.  personally, i’ve always wanted a yellow kitchen but with the vinyl floors and plastic cabinets, i think something more neutral would be better.  please replace four windows, two of which have been taped and cracked since before we moved in.  please install lights in our hallway so that when i shut off the light in the living room i don’t risk my life walking to the bedroom.  for that matter, we seem to have some sort of electrical short with our outside light as well – no one should have to walk up or down those stairs in the dark.  okay, for this next change you have to better understand our apartment.  basically, there’s a WC, as in a room with just a toilet and then next to that there is a room with a sink and shower/tub.  on that room there is only an accordion door.  so – please replace the accordion door (that, it should be noted, doesn’t close all the way) with a real door.  and while we’re on the bathroom, please take out the sliding shower door (which happens to be mirrored) and put in a new tub (that isn’t moldy) with a tub that allows for a shower curtain.  easy right?  we’ve offered to coordinate all the work and for my our time and energy, please reduce our rent accordingly.  i’ll keep you posted.

also, turns out i can’t raise just one eyebrow (this should surprise no one).

• added about 15 new items to my blog roll.  THE CRAZY BABY MAMA reads some really good shit
• sat in my EDDIE’s chair doing a bit of work while NANI wrote more thank you notes.  today she hit #80. she still has probably 150 more to go.  she writes an individual memoir to each person that sent a condolence note or signed the book at the funeral.  it’s a daunting task.
• listened while NANI shared the story of how she and EDDIE met.  i’ve heard the legend hundreds of times but i never get sick of it: he was stationed in texas and their mutual friend MARG invited them both over for shabbat dinner.  EDDIE offered to drive NANI home.  the next weekend they were supposed to go out on a date but NANI was sick with a bad cold and wanted to cancel.  EDDIE, having already marched 26 miles that day (i’m pretty sure this part is pure legend) offered to come and sit.  so there she was in bed, in blue and white striped pajamas, her hair in pigtails, and there he was, bare feet propped up while he sat beside her in a chair.  NANI FANNY (NANI’s mother), was fairly certain that it wouldn’t last, EDDIE was too well off (meaning, he had a car) but after meeting EDDIE only once, NANI’s father proclaimed, “she’s going to marry that man.”  it should also be noted that there’s a parallel story that involves EDDIE spitting MILK OF MAGNESIA out all over NANI’s front porch – but somehow that story didn’t come up today.
• took NANI to the cemetery.  EDDIE is buried next to NANI FANNY (well not, directly next to her, there’s room for NANI in the middle – you might think this is morbid but somehow i find comfort in the planning…whatever) so we obviously visited both graves.  as we were leaving the house NANI remembered that she wanted to bring fresh cut roses from her garden but there was only one of the quality that she required and so we brought just one, rationalizing EDDIE probably wouldn’t want a flower anyway.  the cemetery is huge with rolling hills.  the graves are all completely flat because during world war II (apparently) there was a fear that the japanese fighters would be able hide behind the gravestones.  NANI FANNY and EDDIE are buried on a steep hill and while that means its difficult for NANI (i told her she basically went for a hike) it does make for a beautiful view.  once i had NANI stable, i got down on my knees and laid my hands on the warm grass.  it still doesn’t feel real.
• watched NANI eat an entire hamburger
• met the LA RED HEAD for fro yo at TWIST.  i freaking love this place and i love spending time with her.  i know i didn’t share a lot about my time away from blogging but this girl came through for my family in a major way.  when i told NANI i was meeting her for yogurt, NANI said, you the SINGING RED HEAD (guess who’s got a new nick name?).
• chatted with DIDDY – so glad she’s back in my life

alright, NANI’s about to get out of the shower which means it’s time for dinner – in bed.  cuz that’s how we roll.

i’m sitting in the den.  the only light in the room comes from my laptop and the lamp that stands next to NANI’s couch.  she leans into the light as she spreads out her paper – the LA TIMES, the NEW YORK TIMES, she reads it all, every day, cover to cover.  and catalogues, and fundraising brochures and mailers.  every day, cover to cover.  it’s a lamp with two bulbs but she only has one bulb turned on.  the walls of the room are a deep red – not candy-apple red or fire engine red but a dark and musty red that holds the heat in – the heat from the thermostat that is turned up to 85 degrees.  i know because i checked.  and its raining outside.

NANI and EDDIE’s house is made out of wood both inside and out.  there are beams and paneling that connect rooms and reach around corners.  there are closets and cabinets built into every wall and hiding behind doors.  every floor is covered in once-elegant carpet – in the den its black with large red and blue and green flowers.  i remember when it was first put down, thick and brilo-y.  now it’s worn where NANI’s feet rest off the side of her couch and in front of the chair where EDDIE always sat.

this house has always been more than just a structure.  more than just walls and windows and wood and rugs.  every corner has a story, a memory, a meaning.  every pillow, every picture frame, every dusty book, every over-flowing box – i hear the laughter, the tears, the worry and the reflection as i walk by.  this place is like a treasure map – a twisting and winding journey through my life, my mom’s, my family’s.

if you’re lucky i’ll begin to share stories because the more time i sit in this den with deep red walls, in the bedroom with pink and white roses running up the blue and white stripes of the wall paper, in the kitchen with NANI FANNY’s recipes jotted down on scratch paper and framed above the stove, in the front bedroom where i once slept in a twin bed and now tonight will sleep again, i’m reminded of how fantastical some of the memories are.  and how important they are to the life that i live today.

____________________________

between the ages of 1 and 7 i spent most friday nights, or at least most friday nights that i can remember, sleeping at NANI and EDDIE’s house.  EDDIE comes to pick me up on his way home from work.  i wait on the front steps in my lanz nightgown with a white cardigan and white socks with ruffles.  as we drive across town EDDIE sings UCLA fight songs and searches for big band music on the radio.  as i run up the front stone walk, NANI sensing my arrival scoots OLIVER, the “viscous” dog, to the backyard and the front door flys open.  she’s been waiting to embrace me with her impossibly soft arms, wrapped warmly in a terrycloth bathrobe and her wonderful NANI smell.

i slip off my shoes and tear off my sweater as i clim up the long, hand-carved wooden bench in front of NANI and EDDIE’s high bed.  i plop myself down in my spot – the space between their two wedge pillows.  the tv is always on, relaying stories of the day’s bad news.  and i wait, not flipping channels, for NANI to come in with dinner and for EDDIE to come in in his pajamas.  together we eat, on the bed, NANI and EDDIE balancing fine china on their laps, me balancing fine china on a tray on my lap.  chopped salad and spaghetti and ice cream with chocolate chunks and fresh raspberries for dessert.  then the lights go off and the tv stays on and i curl up between the two of them, the blue light from 20/20 flickers in front of my closed eyelids.

when you are 28 years old you sorta have your set answers….

favorite movie: STRICTLY BALLROOM

favorite song: HALLELUJAH, jeff buckley version

favorite concert: NKOTB

favorite tv show: 90210, the original (duh)

you get the idea.  so when something new shows up – it’s not only unexpected, you’ve also got to make room for it on your list.  and…change is tough.

basically what i’m trying to say is – i’ve got a new favorite book.  I KNOW!  who has a new favorite book?  isn’t it supposed to be about the books that have withstood the test of time?  books that hold up against other books?  well – whatever.  screw every book i’ve ever loved before.  not really.  past favorites include: SONG OF SOLOMON, THE GOD OF SMALL THINGS, ISLAND OF BLUE DOLPHINS, EXTREMELY LOUD and INCREDIBLY CLOSE.  but now – please add BEL CANTO to the very top of that list.

devoted readers may remember that i read IN TRUTH AND BEAUTY a couple of years ago…and i loved it too.  i don’t know why it took me so long to get back to ANN PATCHETT.  her writing is lyrical, almost like a song (that goes on for 200 plus pages).  i love that she fully describes every situtation – the sights, the smells.  as i read i kept thinking – i’ve seen this movie, right?  because the picture that she created was so vivid.  ugh, i loved absolutely every page of it.  i started reading on my way home from durango (yep, that was part of my couple of months away from blogging) and had to force myself to slow down my reading because i was enjoying it so much, i didn’t want it to end.

until last night.  ABN and i got back from AVATAR (yep, i saw it again) and i decided the perfect way to spend the rest of my saturday night was in the bathtub, with my book.  it ended as well as it began.  i should know, as soon as i finished, i started it over again!

yesterday, after a few hours spent in starbucks doing work, i joined the pop-culture masses (as is my preferred place in life, irreverent i am not) and went to see AVATAR.  its possible that if you were to line up all the movies ever made and make me choose in order of preference, sight unseen obviously, AVATAR would wind up at the very bottom of my list (with only, perhaps, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY falling below – because LOW BUDGET only makes things scarier) – it’s just not my style.  still, always a girl to follow the crowd (i hate missing out – go ahead and judge), i willingly jumped on board (after preparing myself by peeing at least 4 times, the movie is 3 freaking hours!).

OMFG!  i sorta see what all the hype is about.  okay i hated the plot (because even ABN could have seen what was coming from a mile away), thought the acting was lame and could have done without out even the blue people sex that they did show (MOYE – thanks for sharing but, VOM, i totally didn’t need to know about that, but since i do…i figure everyone else should as well), but visually – wow.  if i was making the rules (and really, i should be) it wouldn’t be up for best picture because how can one even compare it to the other real, films out there?  its sorta like going to a michael jackson concert – you might not be a huge fan but, you can’t pass it up and you feel like the money you paid (which was SIGNIFICANT) was totally worth it.

the truth is, i’ll probably see it again with ABN – especially if it’s STILL RAINING this weekend (hello, is anyone building an ark?) because i don’t want him to miss out on this cultural experience.  he’s already so far behind (yesterday i mentioned JULIE ANDREWS and he was like…huh?  how did i marry someone who doesn’t know mary poppins??), if he i let him miss this i could be considered neglectful.  i’m doing my part and trying to prep him accordingly – you’ve gotta believe there is another planet – with blue people, and the humans are trying to take away their sacred land because they are greedy bastards (okay, that last part isn’t SO hard to imagine).  i find it best to fully embrace the moments of hilarity (i laughed out loud multiple times), and remember, it’s the experience of the event (and no ABN, i don’t think you should cover your ears through the movie).

i’m freezing in this starbucks (a different one) but i’ve got some phone calls to make so i’m going to be that girl who talks on her phone in public (yes, i judge myself).  i also just joined foursquare (again, if the cool kids are doing it, then i should too).  i don’t really understand it – but i think you should be my friend regardless (LBN – duh).

i’m back. i know. I KNOW.

i’m not going to recap the last couple of months – i think it’s better to just move on. there’s been some sadness, some big decisions, and most importantly now, a return to blogging. so, you didn’t get a recap of 2009 according to LBN – clearly worse things have happened (like ted kennedy’s senate seat going to the republicans – i can just see EDDIE shaking his head with disappointment). instead, let’s get started with where things are at right now:

i’m currently sitting in starbucks. yes, it’s a wednesday at 12:30. i’ll leave you to day dream all the gory details (its not that dramatic but we can pretend, right?)…but in the end, my return to blogging does coincede with me hanging up my camp director hat. *shock and awe*.  dream job?  well, at one point it was my dream job, or it could have been my dream job.  i don’t know what my dream job is right now.  my dreams include doing work that i care about, but also doing work that doesn’t control my ENTIRE LIFE.  my dream includes being an active part of my family too.  and so, shalom dream job.

never one to sit on my ass and do nothing (come on people, watching tv totally counts as doing something!) i’ve recommitted myself to exploring SF, getting our apartment in order (let’s be honest, its out of control), spending time with NANI and working real part-time for my secret job, which isn’t a secret at all, it’s just when you are working more than full time as a camp director, AND dealing with life in general, the couple of hours you put in a week to a side project just don’t get talked about all that much.

to “celebrate” my new life, ABN and i enjoyed pad thai on our couch on friday night (i know, PAR-TAY!), which culminated in me falling asleep in said pad thai.  this was evidenced by the fact that when i woke up in my bed on saturday morning (how the hell did i get there?) i had dried pad thai all over my pajama shirt (HOT!).  all of this just proves that deciding to leave the world of camp director behind was the right decision for me; for us.  clearly i was exhausted!  did i mention i got paid out for 12 unused days of vacation?  what an incredible surprise?  and how sad that i had 12 unused days of vacation!

i do get that with this “new” life i will need to make the extra effort to interact on a daily basis with actual people and not just settle for the people inside my computer screen (it’s a long story, i’ll get into it more eventually, i’m sure).  luckily i have mahjong to keep me going.  we played last night, at our place and since i left the blogging world i have accquired a PINK mahj set (thanks mom!).  i can’t think of a better way to spend a tuesday night (well, maybe i could hang on to a couple more quarters).

i just want one who plays rick recht….whatever, i’m consistent

about 6 weeks ago i started taking spin classes after work.  for years (ie throughout my cross country tour of jccs – yes, there’s a pattern to my life) i’ve thought about it but gym classes in general make me nervous and gym classes that guarantee uncontrollable sweating and a hard seats doing permanent damage to my crotch seemed even less appealing).  but i’ve had a lot on my mind recently and felt inspired by an old friend from camp who talked up her spin classes on her facebook wall and somehow impulse overpowered better judgement and the next thing i know, my legs are spinning out of control. hey if i have to engage in risky behavior, spinning is a relatively minor offense…no?

end result – i’m obessed.  yeah, the seat is really, really something but i feel such a sense of accomplishment after the 50 minute sweat-fest that all is almost forgotten.  and just because it would be my first question if i was reading this on your blog: i don’t wear click-clack shoes AND i don’t own bike shorts with padding…please.

i’ve got a lot on my mind these days.  some good and exciting, some sad and depressing.  i’m feeling overwhelmed by impending changes and choices.  ABN is doing his best to support me and love me through it – offering a shoulder, a black and white cookie or even (wait for it) sitting through HALF of ENCHANTED with me (I KNOW!! it’s really true love) and i know, i’ve been making it quite difficult.  the good, the bad, it’s all just a lot – at the same time.

right now, i’m in the middle of winter camp.  the kids are a great distraction from 8-6.  they make me laugh and a good reminder that it’s okay to stop spinning and slow down.