(if you can’t tell, that’s everyone dancing during shira)

this morning i am up early (okay i know its almost 9 but the alarm went off at 7:30) and ABN and i are headed to BIG SUR for the night.  i am so looking forward to the time outside of the city, and the brief escape from this summer of nonstop work.  and i know how much this (brief) trip means to ABN.  at the same time, i can’t just turn off camp brain and i can’t ignore the fact that i’ve been working 12-14 hour days all week.  and while seeing our beautiful coast is very high on my list, catching up on sleep, writing some programs and doing pay roll looms as well and i’m just not sure how to balance it all.  i feel like i’m actively choosing who to fuck over.  can ABN handle another weekend of me working – um, no.  can my staff and kids handle me coming in on monday with unorganized supplies, half written programs and an unavailable camp director because i’m buried in pay roll hell?  probably not.  i think its making these choices, not the actual outcome, that leads to the most anxiety.  ativan anyone?

also, all the campers are calling me LIZZIE…wtf?!

this weekend is my 10 year high school reunion (and in this case, high school refers to those traumatizing year at THE BIG M).  just to take away any sense of wonder that might exist out there – i’m not going.  in the past i have been quoted as saying, you’d have to drug me, drag and i’d still kick and scream the entire way.  but in recent months, after reconnecting with one person in particular i’ve had a slight change of heart (note: slight).  while i’m not going, and my parents are coming to town for a little family vacation (i know, so out character for us) so i didn’t have to SERSIOUSLY consider it, i do wonder what it would be like to walk back on to that campus (which looks strangely like an asylum…coincidence?) and breathe in that air.  would i even survive?

all of this HS talk brings to me to my point, WTF: DOES ANYONE REALLY ENJOY THEIR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION?  don’t get me wrong…i get the curiosity.  as possibly the MOST curious person on the planet, i am litterally breaking out in hives (lice?!) in wonderment.  i want to know every last detail about their lives now and what has gone on – i just want to do it from a bird’s eye view, a safe distance.  where no one can see me or talk to me.  i’d pay a huge amount of money for a one-way mirror.

there’s no question that my high school experience was miserable.  i’m fairly certain that life between the ages of 14-17 would have been rough wherever i was, but THE BIG M set me up for major dysfunction.  we all had the best of intentions – girls who didn’t care about their appearance, forming life long friendships while bonding over bubbling beakers and cross-country college tours.  no one talked about the waif-skinny pill poppers who self destructed over the pressure to be everything an M girl was supposed to be while destroying anyone of their life-long-friends who got in their way.  but enough about that.

i’ve heard that i missed out on the big changes.  that the last two years, when i was miserable on the east coast, all those girls who spent so much energy making each other miserable, really came together – mostly on the beaches of hawaii.  and i’m totally jealous of that experience and wish i had been there.  but i wasn’t.  and so i’m left with the rest.  shiver.

that being said, when pressed to be completely honest with myself, these moments of PURE JOY stick out:

• dressing up as TWEEDLE DEE and TWEEDLE DUMB one halloween with LINDSAY, and decorating massive chinese lanterns, that we would later wear, in her back yard
• Ms. Putnman’s southern drawl, referring to her students as her VIOLETS
• being charged with making the mix tape that was played during our COLOR presentation
• working with EMMA to personally save MY SO-CALLED LIFE
• home-based manicures with MICHELE – she could do clouds AND plaid!
• doing tech with STACY – i’m not sure if it was the TECH itself or just feeling like i had a purpose

um…yeah i think that’s about it.

if at all possible, my BFF while at the BIG M was even more messed up than i was, but she’s totally come through it and her life today looks about 180 degrees different then it did way back when.  she recnetly shocked me when she told me she planned to hit up the reunion.  why would she put herself through it?  but she explained herself perfectly – she missed out on so much of the typical high school experience – and no one got a chance to know her.  and as she says, everyone one of us has gone through our personal breakdowns – she just happened to go first – and quite dramatically.  but she’s good now, and she wants people to know that….i’m impressed.

so for all you VIOLETS gathering together this weekend – i’m thinking of you.  and a little bit wishing i could be there.  but also, eternally grateful that i’m not.  enjoy the tea party!  i can’t wait to see the pictures on facebook!

and this gym is really the cream of the crop!  individual tvs on all the machines (you’d think at this point that would be a given, but before PINEAPPLE NATION i spent a brief period at 24 hour fitness – NOT up to par), i can plug my iphone into any machine and my playlist pops up (i know!), there are locks on all the lockers – i don’t have to pay extra or bring my own, i can use as many towels as i like – for free, there is brand name shampoo, conditioner, and SHAVING CREAM!, there are real q-tips (you can’t be ramming off-brand shit in your ears…just ask my mom she learned that the hard way).  have i mentioned here that cleaning my ears is quite possibly my favorite part of the day?  they have awesome hair dryers and when i get on a machine, i can type in a code and it remembers me (okay, i haven’t actually tried that out yet, but i know it can be done!).  the gym is awesome.  and although it requires that i leave my house at 5:45 in the morning – it is quickly becoming my favorite part of the day.

but…and its a big one (literally)…why must the towels be oh so small??  WTF is up with the small towels??  if they were just three inches longer and wider i would feel so much more secure – while drying my hair, while walking from the  locker to the shower, while sitting on a bench (that’s nasty).  i just don’t understand.  on top of everything else, it makes me feel bad about myself.  i know i have a big (shelf like) butt…why must the towel be so short that it barely (and i mean BARELY) covers it?!  WTF?!  seriously people.  seriously.

————————————————————————————————————–

technically i’m writing this tuesday night at 11:22pm.  but i figure, its best to be early rather than late.  and while my on going topic is WTF WEDNESDAYS, i don’t really discriminate.  i scratch my head, confused a bunch.

today’s topic – DAY CAMP COUNSELOR PAY – WTF?!?

i believe there are two distinct types of people in this world – those who go to camp and those that don’t.  what i’m learning rather quickly is that camp is a broad term, meaning different things to different people and thus referring to extremely different experiences.

until recently, ie. 1.2 weeks ago, camp to me meant sleep-away, pure and simple.  growing up, well, until i was at least 18, sleep-away camp itself was even more narrowly defined as a place on top of a hill, preferably made of dust and rock, with an unbroken 180 degree view of the pacific ocean and cement steps painted repeatedly until at least a 1/4″ thick by past generations of campers.  it was filled with young, equal parts attractive and awkward jews who liked to sing songs, israeli dance, play gaga (in a non-competitive kind of way) and do…well…little else.  at the end of the summer, a term used to describe your stay on top of the hill, you went home with an arm-full of friendship bracelets, a vocabulary that meant nothing to anyone who slept outside your cabin, a head-full of lice and a long list of people who you promised to keep in touch with but rather than actually speak TO them, you simply spoke obsessively ABOUT them until you returned, the next summer, to the top of the hill.

when i went to college i learned that some camps had trees and lasted 8 weeks rather than two.  and there were lakes and real sports and…gasp…hiking.

but stranger still, i am beginning to understand that there is yet another kind of genuine [i'm still not completely convinced] camp experience…day camp.  here, campers young and old take part in week long sessions focused on one intensive skill – like to play instrument?  sign up for rock ‘n’ roll camp.  dream of being on a weatherman?  don’t miss broadcast news.  for those of us that like to indulge, there’s even spa camp…no, i’m not exaggerating (and yes, i’m trying to figure out a way for the camp direc tor to enroll).  it’s a tricky situation, you see.  while some people find it difficult to picture a camp without a lake, this is even more of a reach – we’re talking about camp inside building.  does that make it any less genuine?

i’m learning to expand my horizons.  to understand that campers at MY new camp will be over-programmed – unlike me who’s favorite period of the day was, without a doubt, rest hour.  still, i’m determined to bring a little of my camp on top of the hill to the jerusalem stone, climate controlled, nut-free building.  even if the only thing that these two places have in common is head lice.

because it certainly isn’t the pay.  while my counselors will be paid a starting salary of almost $4000 (is your mouth hanging open?  you must have worked at sleep-away camp too), i was once offered merely a plane ticket in exchange for working (and sleeping) with psychotic (certifiably) campers for an entire session.  and you wonder why i finally left the top of that hill.

instead of recreating my post i’m just going to assume that one day it will appear and you will all find out what i was WTFing about this week – until that time…

don’t forget, i’m searching for a theme for camp this summer.  you have one more week to enter my giveaway contest – i think i can hold the boss lady off that long.  to enter, just submit a comment – something you think would make a fabulous/horrifying theme for day camp.  you could win a custom designed hamsa bracelet of your very own.  winners will be announced next thursday.

**okay, i have found a link to the post i wrote yesterday – if anyone can figure out where the hell it REALLY is…that’d be great…but if you are interested in reading more…its here.

and now back to life

today was day three of the new job – and i spent it down (?) in no-way-san-jose learning about the camp accreditation process. that’s right, not only do i need to figure out how to run a camp (seriously, how?) i need to have camp ready for accreditation this summer which is full time job within itself. the funny thing is that as ginormous as this job feels, every time i start to get overwhelmed (and there have been a number of times already) i remember i’m a camp director and i can’t help but giggle to myself. and then i do a little jig. and then i burp…which has nothing to do with being a camp director, i’ve just been burping a lot recently – like this weekend when a waitress came over to refill our waters and i burped in her face. it wasn’t on purpose. but it did totally happen. my first freakout came when i realized that the kids only swam once a week for half an hour – seriously. that’s just nuts. my second freakout came when i realized the kids swam once a week for a full half hour! its seems dangerous and unnecessary. i have decided it best if they don’t swim. if they don’t run. or walk. they should sit. and draw. with crayons – that are soft. and they can eat nothing. because they could be allergic. or they could choke. doesn’t my camp sound so fun?!

with all the new, i’m also introducing a new feature to this blog…WTF WEDNESDAYS!?! today’s debut topic: the 7 PRINCIPLES! WTF?! what are 7 PRINCIPLES you might ask?! funny, i found myself asking the same thing. on monday, i was told that the theme for camp last summer was [redacted] – or the the seven principles that define jewish values. i had never heard of these values, defined in this way. and while i’m no expert, i feel like i know quite a bit about jewish values…i’m just saying. they are clearly illustrated by the HUGE installation in the atrium of the building. last summer, each week focused on one principle (justice, repairing the world…you get the idea) and when a camper took part they got a lance-armstrong-style bracelet, with the name of the principle in hebrew and in english. by the end of the summer there were hundreds of kids running around SF sporting their bling. so this summer…we’re in need of a theme. and it has been made clear there has to be some sort of SWAG to go along with it. WTF?!? and so dear blog readers, this is where you come in…

it’s the first ever I’M JUST SAYING give away! help me come up with a theme for camp and if your idea is chosen you not only win fame and notoriety (i’ve got lots of readers people! and parents in SF will be forever indebted to you!) but you will also receive this gorgeous, limited edition, hamsa bracelet! designed by my aunt – all the cool kids are clamoring to get their hands on one! in order to enter simply leave a comment with your idea. and don’t limit yourself to just one – the sky is the limit. while originality is impressive, don’t feel like you have to reinvent the wheel – mooching is completely allowed. is your idea incomplete? no worries! any sort of trigger is greatly appreciated. and if you feel at a loss, send your friends the link. if a referral wins the ultimate prize, you get a bracelet too for making the connection. and that’s not all (because, really, is it ever?!). there will also be prizes awarded for MOST INAPPROPRIATE THEME, MOST CELEBRITY FOCUSED THEME, and MOST WTF THEME?!?!

so go at it! thank you in advance

don’t forget to update your reader

and i’ll see you on the flipside.