you can go ahead and judge me but i let EBN watch tv.  we don’t sit with the tv on all day long (anymore) but in the morning i have the TODAY SHOW on in the background.  if EBN is having a bit of meltdown – the flashing lights of THE JERSEY SHORE are a sure fire way to calm her down, and while breastfeeding, GENERAL HOSPITAL provides mindless banter that we are looking for.

with OPRAH coming to an end, i realize that my dvr is going to have quite a bit more room.  EBN loves her OPRAH – i’m not sure if it’s OPRAH’s sing songy voice or a young appreciation for ethnic diversity but really, the kid can’t get enough.  we’re preparing for next week but looking back at OPRAH’s style through the years.  seriously.

also, are you watching THE VOICE?  i really don’t have room in my weekly line up for more tv (although maybe with OPRAH leaving it balances out?!?) but i couldn’t pass this one up (it was originally the chairs on a spring-load that captured my attention).  i’m in love.  there has not been an episode yet that i haven’t bawled through (it’s like my new EXTREME HOME MAKEOVER) and is just me or is this batch UBER talented?  i already have my favorites – no i don’t know their names.  but so far – i’m TEAM ADAM.

one more tv tidbit – as i mentioned before – we are a TODAY SHOW family.  i’ve been a faithful viewer since 7th grade when my mom and i would watch on our tiny kitchen tv as i ate my cereal and waited for my carpool to pick me up.  but now that ANN CURRY is taking over, i might need to find a different morning “news” program.  i just can’t stand her.  i’ll miss MATT and AL (did anyone else catch him as a WIGGLE this morning?) but i’m just not sure if i can deal with ANN at such an early hour.  i don’t handle major change well…what’s a girl to do?

i have a 6 month old.  it’s unbelievable.  and because i have a 6 month old, who kicks and splashes in the bathtub, who dadadadadas all day long, who blows raspberries while she eats carrots and sweet potatoes and yogurt and pears – i’ve decided – it’s clearly time to start planning her first birthday party.  i mean – duh.  it’s going to be DIY from top to bottom – because we’re moving and on a budget and because i’m me.  i have a theme in mind – but you have to wait until november.  i’m so excited.  i may not sleep.  until november

i have exactly three more things to say:

1. EBN does this thing where she nurses on my chin – literally.  she grabs my face with both hands, secures her lips around the base of my chin and sucks her heart out.  i’m red and raw and in absolute heaven.

2. ABN and i are in this together.  there is no doubt, the last couple of weeks have been a wee bit stressful and it’s bound to only kick up a notch in the coming weeks (did i mention we are moving JUNE 6TH!?!?).  but at the end of the day it’s about the 3 of us and making it work.  and so, we figure it out – over a bottle of wine – go ahead and judge.

3. OPRAH – i can’t even begin to undertand what the end is going to be like.  i mean – i know – there are bigger things going on in the world.  but come on.  it’s a big part of my life (and EBN’s too).  we watch it every day, on DVR.  and when it’s through – i’m just saying there will be a hole.  i think i’ll need a greater post on this as well.  OPRAH and WINE GARAGE.

stam.

i’ve enjoyed these last several months – i haven’t missed the feeling of having a constant lump in my throat or my heart beating so hard that at times i fear it might just pop through my chest.  i haven’t missed digging frantically through my bag searching the tiny pills that might make it slightly better.

_______________

fast forward – it’s been about 36 hours since i started this post and my heart – it’s still racing.  through the house inspection, in reaction to EBN tumbling off a chair, while i cried in a grocery store in search of SKINNY GIRL MARGARITA, through an INSANE work thing that somehow worked itself out in an even more INSANE way, in reaction to ABN still not being home and having a dead cell phone.  i think it’s safe to say i’m going through a bit of a rough patch.

on top of these anxious feelings – there are sad feelings too.  i’m really missing my NANI and i’ve felt it more over the last 36 hours than i have since she passed away in january.  there are so many factors that it probably doesn’t make sense to really weigh one against another.  but as EBN has reached 6 months i’ve realized how sad it is, mostly for me, that my NANI isn’t here to see her.  i feel differently about EDDIE.  i know that EDDIE would be head over heels for her, but at the same time, in many ways, she is the result of EDDIE – his advice and guidance.  i feel so much more that NANI was supposed to be here.  she was supposed to approve of me and of us.  i surround myself and EBN with countless silky pillows – but it’s just not the same.  and then EBN tumbled off the chair.  and all i can think was – NANI would be so upset.

my EDDIE must have stopped by on his way home from work countless times.  i remember sitting with him on the edge of the bathtub as we all eagerly waited for SANDY to pee in the toilet and then all of us shouting hooray and my EDDIE placing the sticker on SANDY’S potty training chart.  i remember standing next to the phone as my EDDIE called my NANI to give her the update on his timing – i’ll be home in 20 minutes – he’d say – and i’m bringing dinner, and i love you.  and then he would call back because he forgotten to tell my NANI about SANDY and his sticker – and i love you, he’d say again, and hang up the phone.

and often it was fajitas.  my mom would pack up bowls – grated cheese in a bowl – diced tomatoes and cilantro in a bowl – chopped purple onions in a bowl – yellow and orange and red peppers in a bowl and tortillas and chicken – and it would all be placed in a bullocks shopping bag and as my EDDIE walked out the door he would grab the bag before kissing my keppe  – i love you.

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we made an offer on a house last week and it was accepted.  and while i am beyond excited about the open kitchen and the gorgeous backyard with mountain views and the separate bathtub and shower, i’m most excited that we will have space for my mom and dad to come and stay.  they were made to be grandparents and  it kills me that there is no stopping by on the way home from the office to pick up fajitas, but now i know they will be here to apply stickers to the potty training chart.

also, there’s a bidet – my NANI would be so happy.

this baby is not EBN, this baby is sleeping

this shit is hard.  we’re exactly 1 hour and 12 minutes into our first night of sleep learning (that’s like the kinder, gentler way or saying sleep training, which is the kinder, gentler way of saying – we let the baby cry – but we make ourselves feel better about it by calling it sleep training, i mean learning) and i’m about ready to let EBN nurse herself to sleep every night for the rest of my life/never nap/drink an entire bottle of vino (me, not her).  the truth is, she’s doing okay because right now, at 8:14 pm, it’s quiet.  but another scream maybe just around the corner – how is a mama supposed to sleep when her little bug might start to cry again at any moment?

and i know what you’re thinking – wasn’t EBN such a great sleeper.  the answer – yes.  she – was.  well, sometimes she still is – but it’s not consistent.  and even when she does get a whole lot of hours in at night time, she absolutely hates going to bed and only gets to sleep by being rocked or nursed.  otherwise she screams.  and i hate that she screams when she goes to bed.  also, my baby has never napped.  never.  well, never napped in a way that any of the sleep books consider a real nap.  EBN is the queen of the disco nap – just enough to give her enough energy to get through her next activity.  okay, that’s not totally true.  she came back from WESTPORT with a cold and magically slept for MANDI, the babysitter, for 2 hours.  i was so jealous upon hearing this news.  of course, i figured we had turned a corner and that from here on out EBN would be a napping machine.  but it turns out, i’m not MANDI and the baby hasn’t napped since.

so today we went out and bought black-out shades (because the book says we should work on night time sleep and day time sleep all at once) and i plugged in the white noise machine.  i’ve got my charts all printed out and i set up my sleep station (yes, ABN thinks i’m nuts).  but i’m determined to stick to the plan and get through this.  mama’s never been a good sleeper and it’s the last thing i want to pass along to EBN so we’ll all get through the tears and i’m sure come out great sleepers on the other side.

in the meantime, i’m plugging my ears by running the washing machine, dish washer and watching GLEE with the volume turned way up.

wish us luck.

but this space isn’t only about EBN.  maybe it’s time to check in to see what’s going on with me.  i have a cold – a drippy nose and a raw throat which leads me to believe that i’m not really sick, just over tired – i wonder why?

i haven’t read a book, cover to cover (or KINDLE to KINDLE as the case may be) since EBN was born.  i’ve started a couple but nothing has held my attention.  reading these days looks a lot like me getting into bed and opening the KINDLE, reading a screen or two and passing out.  i’m making slow progress on ONE DAY – i’m hoping my upcoming trip to westport will be the push i need to finish something.  i’ve also started keeping my KINDLE in my diaper bag.  as EBN has started sleeping while i drive (rather than screaming, as is also typical for her) having the KINDLE allows me to occupy myself once i park – because god knows, i’m not going to wake her up once she has passed out.

i just signed up a for a sewing class.  i know – i’m beyond excited.  and i think ABN is too.  i’ve had a sewing machine for a couple of years but don’t really know how to use it.  i’m thinking this class will be the push i need to make the tshirt quilt i’ve been planning for the last 7 years.  seriously, the tshirts have been cut and have travelled with me to 4 different apartments.  it is time.

EBN and i leave for westport a week from  yesterday.  i’m nervous about the trip – i mean she was so great the last time we flew, how can it possibly go as well again?  also this is my first time doing it all on my own.  i’m also a bit nervous about being away for so long.  last time i had really high expectations about getting a bit of a break but extenuating circumstances meant that i was more on my own with EBN then usual.  i know this trip will be different – it’s just hard to picture what it will be like exactly.  still i’m sure excited for EBN to meet some of our favorite east coasters.

did i mention that EBN is still in her exersaucer?  okay that’s sorta a lie – it’s been 4 hours since i started this post and two quick naps, one errand and a HUGE poop later, she’s back in the exersaucer and before she gets too fussy, it’s time to hit POST.

EBN and her Kyung

in other news, my hair is falling out in a major(ly disgusting) way.  it covers every surface of my house, has clogged every drain, is caught inside the crevices of my car and is constantly wrapped around EBN’s tiny fingers.  but if that wasn’t enough i think it’s beginning to be noticeable on my head.  as a girl who has always had WAY too much hair, this dramatic change is making me totally and completely nutso (ask ABN – it’s not the only thing that’s making me nuts – i made be a laid-back mama, but i’m a bit nutty in general these days).  i know this happens to everyone – i was warned (i wasn’t warned about the swelling that occurs for a few days after you give birth but that’s another issue and yes, it went away by 1 week but at the time i FREAKED out) – but i just didn’t think it would happen to me .

i live in constant fear of the day that EBn is too big to use her swing.  will she ever nap again?

we’re off to our music class and then probably a stop at babies r us.  just don’t tell EBN – she hates BRU – i can’t blame her, it’s pretty gross.  then home to make a nice shabbat dinner (the KINERET CHALLAH is already on the counter defrosting – i’m so excited i found it in this city!!).  we are all in need of some family time at home.

our little EBN isn’t really quite so little.  at just over 4 months she’s a whopping 15 lbs 14 oz – no surprise from anyone around here that she’s in the 90th percentile for weight – girl likes to eat!  what’s a bit more shocking is that she’s grown 3 inches in the last 2 months and at 25 inches in the 80th percentile for height (what?!?).  we know she is our child though because while long, she’s got short legs.  and her head – only 75th percentile (shocking…I KNOW!).  the best news of all though is that our baby is happy and healthy.  she was a ball (literally) of smiles and spit up.  we know we are in big trouble once she hits her teen age years because clearly we’ve been blessed with a very easy baby.

most exciting of all – when we are ready EBN has the go ahead to start solid foods!  for a family that LOVES to eat this is big news.  it kills me to watch the BUG’S face when she watches me eat.  that open mouth of drool makes it so clearly that she is interested.  so we will get started soon – probably around PASSOVER.  i know there are a ka-billion feelings about when you should start and what you should start with and like everything else, ABN and i will figure out what works for us.  but i’m pretty excited that our doc isn’t a rice cereal pusher because really, can you imagine a more unexciting food?  something with lot’s of color and lots of flavor is what my girl is craving.

in other news:

• EBN is moments away from rolling from back to tum (she’s done it the other way a few times – it’s just not as exciting).  it’s pretty clear to me that once she has this talent mastered she’s going to be a side sleeper just like her mama
• she’s mastering the art of thumb sucking.  she seems to still rely on the paci for when she’s really upset or trying to fall asleep – hasn’t quite figured out that she can use the thumb to soothe as well as slurp.  we’re thinking of getting rid of the paci sooner rather than later.  not because i’m anti-paci – i’m just anti-putting-paci-back-in-mouth-at-4-am
• i was going to say that the spit-up had slowed – but then EBN spit up on her mama 7 times while waiting for the doctor – down my back, in my hair.  her favorite move is to grab my shirt and pull it away from my chest and lean her head in an spit up down my front.  i love the smell of spoiled milk in the morning
• EBN loves her toys.  she alternates between shoving SOPHIE down her throat and “crinkling” ELLIE the ELEPHANT
• she SKYPES!  we’ve reached a major turning point.  when we put EBN in front of the screen she can really see the people in the computer!  NANI was the recipient of the first OFFICIAL skype smile – and she’s worked really hard at it – singing “you are my sunshine” to EBN multiple times a day
• we’ve had our first cold.  i immediately blamed myself – she’s only 4 months old, i must have done something wrong.  but EBN smiled through the entire week of stuffiness – never losing her energy OR her appetite.  she was just snotty.  which was gross.  i’ve decided it’s part of growing up – for both of us.

okay, she’s still sleeping (IN HER CRIB!!) which means i should probably do laundry.  or shower.  or go watch her sleep

if i didn’t know better i would think that EBN was starting to teeth because she is a drool monster – with a dripping chin and sopping shirt at all times.  i keep shoving my finger in her mouth trying to feel for something but so far it seems to be all gums – maybe she’s just getting ready.  she loves shoving multiple things in her mouth at once – hands, paci, toys, mama’s fingers and munch away.  she can’t be hungry all the time – or can she?

my favorite new trick is when i pick her up and bring her close my face – she comes at me wide mouthed.  i’m not sure if she’s trying to kiss me – because she loves it when i kiss her and goes all crooked-smile on me – or if she’s trying to shove my entire head in her mouth.  regardless it’s super cute.  except for when she smells of sour milk – which she often does.  then it’s super cute and super gross all at once.  is there something to do about that sour milk breath?  let’s discuss…

we spent the weekend in SANTA BARBARA to celebrate my big birthday.  it was the perfect getaway – just the three of us – exactly the way i wanted to spend the occasion.  there was an enormous amount of eating (both by grownups and by EBN), great sun and even an extra special date night.  highlights included NEPTUNES NET on the way up the coast, taking EBN’s picture in front of the camp sign, a late night stroll while ABN rested his eyes, putting EBN’s feet in the sand for the first time, getting a babysitter on saturday night, BOUCHON and stopping at THE OLD WEST CINNAMON ROLL FACTORY on our drive back to SF.  EBN and i had been in LA going through the REAL NANI’s house and so this relaxing weekend was just what we all needed.

LA was good because we were with EBN’s NANI and also got to spend extra special time with ROXANNA (EBN now speaks spanish fluently!).  i was able to squeeze in a lunch with my AUNTIE LIN and also a bottle of wine with some special people on my actual birthday – but truly spent almost every waking moment in the bowels of THE REAL NANI’s closets.  it’s amazing what we found – one day – if she ever naps again – i might write about it, but the gist is that she saved everything (we’re surprised we haven’t found left over chicken bones).  i filled the car to the brim with some of my favorite articles of NANI’s clothes.  we’ll see how much i wear (after all, dressing like an 85 year old woman is the new black) and how much i let EBN use for dress up (doesn’t everyone play dress up in NINA RICCI?) and how much i just let hang in my closest and bury my nose in when i need a fix.

and with that the babe is up.  so instead of blow drying we’ll take a walk down to WHOLE FOODS.  today is a big day – EBN is wearing her first hair accessory!

While my Eddie and I enjoyed taking adventures, exploring new things – with Nani it was the routine that stands out.  When I was little I spent my Tuesdays at Nani School.  We started off first thing in the morning, tidying the house.  Following her from room to room as she emptied trash cans, containing at the most, a tissue that Eddie had discarded (after all, those of us in the know knew enough to not leave trash out in the open).  Straightening furniture, fluffing pillows.  She’d hand me a duster and as I’d run the feathers over the silver frames and small porcelin figurines that covered every flat surface, she’d tell me the stories behind the treasures – pine cones from Washington, the silver Bible from Uncle Meyer’s bar mitzvah when he turned 83, the cash register from Grandpa Sam’s grocery store in Tyler Texas.  When the cleaning was through we’d play dress-up, her closet full of the clothes she wore when she and Eddie would attend black tie charity dinners, or if I was really lucky, she would break out the paints and together we would paint the refridgerator door, moments after my latest creation was finished we would then wash it down with lava soap and a sponge.  We’d end our day in the front yard.  Waiting for my mom to pick me up, picking flowers off the rose bushes, floating dead leaves down the water that runs along the curb and laying on our backs and talking about what we could see in the clouds in the sky.

Our time together wasn’t limited to Tuesdays.  As a new mom myself, I now realize that I spent an obscene amount of time with my Nani and Eddie.  Fridays were spent at Martin – I was the only 2nd grader with a perfect blowout.  Nani clasping my hand as she used all her weight to lean into the heavy, glass door, the noisey beautyshop coming to a quiet hum as Nani entered – everyone stopping to acknowledge that she had arrived.  I loved that she was so important, her scarf perfectly tied and secured with a pin, her purse and her small Neiman’s bag, containing important lists and newspaper clippings, swinging from the crook of her arm.  She’d be whisked to the back to have hair washed and motion for me to come with her.  As she sat with her head back and her hair under the water, she would somehow llift her neck just enough keep an eye on me – making sure I wasn’t kidnapped…from the beautyshop.  Off to bullocks wilshire for tea sandwiches and a fashion show, and then a sleep over at Nani and Eddie’s – we’d light Shabbat candles in the kitchen before all climbing into their big bed, with our silky pillows, for chopped salad, followed by raspberries and ice cream.

My Nani was prepared for any situation.  When we added a second story to our house on Bannockburn, the day the addition was completed she showed up with a rope ladder to hang from the second floor so that we could escape in case of fire.  She carried with her, at all times, a rubberband with a piece of cardboard attached that read, broken meter, just in case she found herself parked at one.  After getting engaged I received an envelope in the mail, with a note written the week I was born.  It said, just in case I’m not here in person – for your wedding dress…with a check enclosed.  And just yesterday, as I was looking for a pair of socks in one of Nani’s drawers I found a thin box.  Inside a note, Fanny, I though you might like these one day, love Nani, December 1990, and a slip and a nightgown.  It was as if she knew, in that moment, i would be there.  And I was.

My Nani always smelled of baby powder.
She wore huge sunglasses and always thought it was better to look at the person she was taking the picture with, rather than the camera.
The last thing she did before she left the house was put on her wedding ring and wind her watch, and the first thing she did when she came home was take both off and run to pee – even before turning off the house alarm.
My Nani always slept on a blue satin pillow case.
She did back exercises every morning and walked 20 laps around the house.
Instead of traditional lullabyes, my Nani sang Christmas carols and Yiddish folk songs with words she made up.
The one time Eddie and I brought her to a UCLA basket ball game she insisted on rooting for the other team because she felt bad they were losing.
My Nani had soft, floppy arms that I liked to hold onto while I fell asleep.

Because my Nani had repeatedly defied all the odds, and after so many challenging health situations continued to come back and fight through it, I sometimes called her the bionic woman.  And because she was always so immaculately put together, even as she walked her beloved Chester up and down the street with my Eddie by her side, I sometimes called her the First Lady.  But mostly, and most importantly, she was just my Nani.  With her silky pillow and her pink bathrobe, and her no-slip socks.

clearly, i’m not really back to blogging because if i didn’t have it in me while pregnant, i for sure don’t have it in me now that EBN is here.  but she’s sleeping in her swing and as i scarf down breakfast (greek yogurt, strawberry, banana, blueberry and a bit of kashi cereal), and gulp my coffee i realize that if i don’t write something down i am going to forget it all.  the baby book has fallen by the wayside (i’m sure i’ll update it when i have time – and she’s 6) so i find myself here.  there’s no way i can go back to the beginning but i can start here:

• EBN coos constantly.  it’s more than a coo, it’s long and streaming conversation that makes no sense to anyone but her.  i take full credit for her desire to communicate because i talk to her (or, i let OPRAH, THE JERSEY SHORE, etc etc) talk to her all day long.  girl’s got something to say
• she responds to the name booger butt
• i taught her to smile wrong – turns out every time i look at her i open my mouth super wide – so now she does too
• she’s a great sleeper – just like her daddy, and she hates waking up – just like her daddy
• speaking of her daddy – EBN looks just like him, especially when she yawns (notice a pattern?)
• EBN appears to be tone deaf just like her mama, because she loves it when i sing (and her NANI too)
• her favorite book is I LOVE YOU STINKY FACE (thanks auntie/rabbi steffi!)
• her favorite place to be is on her changing pad, talking to her ABCs (a needlepoint that THE REAL NANI made for EBN’s mama when i was a baby…especially special now)
• EBN found her hands after an afternoon spent with a group of other babies.  if possible she prefers to suck on her paci, her entire fist and her burp cloth – all at once
• she seems to prefer GENERAL HOSPITAL to 90210
• my entire house is covered in a thin layer of spit up

so there’s something – a glimpse if you will.  as she’s still sleeping i should probably pry myself from my couch and write some thank you notes.  i’m so far behind, i’m broken out in hives.

the good news is that we had a long list of things to get done before BBN makes his or her debut and we’ve crossed almost every last thing off that list!  i mean, there are about 37 other lists that i’m not even looking at until after BBN arrives, but the list of things that HAVE to get done, well that list is mostly under control.  last night we crossed off – tour labor and delivery (check!) but we did add – get ABN flu shot and whopping cough vaccine (btw, if you plan on spending significant time with BBN you need to get one too – really, they are saying everyone in california should get one).  this weekend i’m thinking of packing my hospital bag…is that crazy!?!  well, i’ll at least wash the few things i plan on taking with me.  packing the bag might be a bit much.  my doctor clearly doesn’t think there is ANY rush.  when i went to see him last week i was sure we were moving to weekly appointments but he did his thing (listened to the heartbeat, measured my tum) in five minutes or less and dismissed me for another two weeks.  is it wrong i was a bit disappointed?

it’s a good thing i work from home because at this point my maternity shirts don’t cover my tummy – something that i don’t understand.  it makes me feel like even more of a slob, as if the food stains that seem to have landed on every single item of clothing that i wear, were not enough.  i’ve started buying a few items for after BBN arrives.  don’t worry, i don’t have unrealistic visions of fitting into regular jeans…EVER AGAIN…but the idea of new yoga pants that aren’t pilling, tank tops that aren’t stretched out beyond recognition and long sleeved cotton tshirts that don’t have tooth paste stains…these things make me unbelievably happy.

alright, i’m off to return some crib bedding that just isn’t right and also possibly stop at the craft store – i have one more project that i want to get done (don’t worry ABN – it doesn’t involve painting furniture).

i’m fine.  just a bit hormonal.  it will pass.  as my friend said yesterday – when you’re pregnant and you can’t sleep and you deal with heartburn.  when the baby arrives and you can’t sleep you get up and cuddle a yummy baby.  that sounds much better to me.

i’m not complaining. i know the baby needs to grow and is growing and i’m gaining weight in all the right places and i’m gaining the right amount of weight etc etc. and i’m enjoying the freedom to eat the bagel, enjoy the after dinner rice pudding and the occasional (read every other day) veggie delight and chips from subway (weird craving i know!). but honestly i just wasn’t prepared for what this extra weight would feel like, or look like. standing still for long periods of time is just not fun because my back hurts and my tummy gets…heavy. my bras don’t fit in anyway that could be considered comfortable and my turning over in bed – well, let’s just forget about that.

luckily i’ve got my hair. it’s no joke either. i’m fairly convinced my hair has never been this long and as i’ve got no plans to head down to LA before BBN’s arrival (really no plans until hopefully xmas) i guess it’s going to just keep growing. if i were to do something with it that would truly be awesome but i figure if it keeps growing maybe i’ll be able to wrap it around myself and hide underneath it.

so how else to honor such an important, once in a life time event – a top 10 list of course!  you may agree and you may disagree -weigh in, share your 90210 stories.

THE TOP 10 BEST 90210 EPISODES/MOMENTS ACCORDING TO LBN:

10. VALERIE AND HER INSENSE – a list wouldn’t be complete with a little valerie malone. remember before we knew she was bad? i think there were a solid 40 minutes there when she was just a girl from buffalo. and then, she lit up her special herb – IN THE WALSH HOUSE!!

9. BRENDA AS LAVERNE – while brandon is off becoming a soap star, brenda holds down the fort at the peach pit

8. HELLO DAY – dylan and brenda get back together, emily valentine wears a leather hat, there’s singing and dancing…what a great first day of school!

7. I CHOOSE ME – ugh the episode makes me sob every time, first andrea leaves and then kelly chooses herself

6. DONNA AND DAVID DO IT – and she goes from virgin to major beverly hills slut…no judgement
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5. U4EA – steve and andrea exchanging an egg…i die

4. SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET – we learn important background on the girls, like that donna puts popcorn in her ice cream (later referenced at her bachelorette party!)

3. CAMPING TRIP – teaching the ever important lesson – booze are bad, forgetting to pack hiking boots can be deadly

1. DONNA AND DAVID GET MARRIED – dude everyone came back for the big event!  the only person they didn’t bring back was scott – and they totally should have, can you imagine a better flashback?

ps. i also bought crib bedding.  like.  woa.

ABN and i have been busy at work on prepping our lives and house for the arrival of the spawn – after all we are only 3 months away.  we’ve bought the very few essentials we plan to buy beforehand and in the next month we will have the bedroom painted.  that’s right – ABN has moved his office – his desk is now located in the sunroom/laundry room which i get is less than ideal but at least he has an office (says his wife who works from home and is relegated to the kitchen table).  i’m doing my best to do laundry when he is at work although i know once BBN arrives that will not be possible all the time.

yesterday we interviewed a pediatrician and i fell instantly in love.  she’s jewish and sarcastic and answered my questions about breastfeeding by saying “you get what you get and you don’t get upset” but then leaned in and said with knockers like mine i should be fine.

it turns out there’s a bit of a mohel shortage in san francisco (if you ware looking for a career change it’s not a bad idea).  of course we don’t know for sure that we will need a mohel but if the random women who stop me on the street are any indication, there will be bagels at my house 8 days post BBN’s arrival.  i have this vision in my head of a bearded  religious man coming to my home and taking care of business quickly and efficiently but it seems that in the bay area the trend is women who take this on as a second career.  i’m not judging (ha!) but i know what i want – and that’s not what i want.  the pediatrician shared stories of the very mohel i was looking for who came to her home three years ago for her own son’s circumcision.  unfortunately he’s now dead.  so that’s not going to work.  she suggested i call his widow and ask if she knows of anyone.  i did some online searching and found the guy who the jewish newspaper bills as his “replacement.”  he doesn’t have a beard but he’s ortho and has a penis of his own which for me is two steps in the right direction.  as a con he used to be a professional chef but as i learned yesterday, “you get what you get and you don’t get upset.”

it’s gorgeous here in SF today and i am taking full advantage by sitting on the back patio, in a purple mumu that is too short to wear in public (due to the rise in my belly).  i think pregnant looks a bit better with some sun so i’m trying to grab it where i can.  my advice for all of you who think about one day spawning – do it in SF.  while my friends are literally wilting on the east coast, i’ve spent most of my summer happily tucked into leggings and sweaters, no overheating, no sweating, no humidity.  i’ve already made a deal with ABN – i’ll live anywhere he wants to live as long as the next time we decide to do this, i can be pregnant in SF.

you’ll also be glad to know that in last couple of months since my last update, i’ve stopped consuming two bagels a day.  sure, carbs still make for one happy lady but i’ve sorta moved on to fruit as well.  put a bowl of peaches in front of me, i’ll eat the whole thing.  cut up a watermelon – i’ll down the entire thing in one sitting.  yes, there are pictures to prove it.

i guess i should tell you that the baby did start kicking – and it has been exciting, and pee inducing.  it feels like often the baby is kicking directly into my bladder.  my day goes a lot like this: kick, kick, pee.  kick, kick, pee.  again, i feel very lucky to be working from home and to never be too far away from the toilet.

now wasn’t that worth the wait?

today i have witnessed many amazing things.  first, i was watching THE TODAY SHOW, as i do every morning, and a 13 year old girl said cunt, twice.  okay truth be told i missed the live, east coast feed but when MEREDITH later apologized for the vulgar use of language, i had to investigate (what did people do before the internet?).

also i went to a coffee shop to work and there was a group there studying talmud.  this made me blissfully happy.

there was a  group of people from various small non-profits having a “professional development” meeting.  it seemed they were talking about how to build a useful board, how to recruit new members, i could go on.  but largely they were talking about how no one ever came to these meetings and how maybe they should put together a survey to find out how to get more people to participate.  i wanted to scream – ” no one is going to answer your survey.”  but instead i just smiled to myself and thanked god my non-profit days are over…for now.

i’ve been more busy than usual because i’ve taken on my hours at my secret job.  it’s a good thing really – making a little moolah (just a little), keeping my mind active, getting me off my couch for a few hours each and every day.  i enjoy the work and the fact that i can work from home (or from a coffee shop – or from LA) is basically the best thing that has ever happened to me.  and when i say best thing that ever happened to me i don’t really mean best thing ever, i just mean, it’s a nice change.  especially with this babe on the way – it’s nice to slow down a bit.  because my life before was anything but slow.

i’ve had a lot of questions in my personal life about if i quit my DREAM JOB so that i could get pregnant.  the answer is no.  i quit my job because it was not the right job for me at this point in m life.  my job wasn’t making me happy (duh) but that wasn’t totally it either.  before EDDIE got sick i had completely rationalized sticking it out one more year.  sucking it up, not crying under my desk, and not having a kid (because let me tell you – the DREAM JOB and kid were not a match made in heaven…more like THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN PURE HELL!!).  once EDDIE got sick he spelled things out for me pretty clearly – “your coworkers are border line abusive, your NANI needs you, quit your job and have a baby.”  i spent a month or so thinking it over and decided to quit – it was just a matter of when.  again, i felt like i should stick it out through the summer and then quit come august.  after all, summer was the fun part…or was it?!  there were parts of summer that were great – singing modeh ani every morning, watching asian children fall in love with shabbat, hiring a killer staff and making life long friends…but summer also sucked ass.  i don’t think i took a deep breath between april and august, i didn’t sleep, didn’t eat and i didn’t see ABN.  not a great way to prep for a baby.  so together, after a raucous new year’s eve celebration that consisted of scrabble and the lights out by 10:30, ABN and i decided together that it was time to walk away – immediately.  i hoped by leaving right away i was leaving them in a place to find a great replacement way before summer.  and i knew i would be able to begin traveling down to LA and sitting with NANI on her pink couch.  and of course it meant we could now try to get pregnant – just never imagined it could possibly happen so quickly.

so there you go, the complete story.  i feel good because i feel like i was honest with my coworkers from the beginning.  i also took care of myself which i’m not totally apt to do. and i’m heading to LA for a week on monday which would have been IMPOSSIBLE while working at the DREAM JOB.

in other news, as we were getting into bed last night i caught the last few minutes of the play-off game.  now i’m not really a professional basketball fan (go BRUINS) but the inner fan came out.  ABN had to step back.  he never knows what to do with me when i clap wildly and yell at the screen.  my future kid may not be the BIGGEST sports fan, but for basketball, the kid is covered!