somehow i didn’t realize that it had been so long since my last post.

i’ve been in LA for the last 24 hours – unexpectedly.  when you’re 28 and you have 4 living grandparents you are 1. a very lucky red head and 2. always expecting a phone call to say that someone is not well or worse.  someone is not well.  let’s leave it at that for now.

i’m here with my mom who flew in from the east coast.  she’ll stay for a while and i feel bad going back to life in SF and leaving her behind to do so much of this alone.  she isn’t alone in reality – her brother is here, my dad (who, i think, struggles with this impending loss just as much as we do) is just a phone call away, and of course, i’ll be back whenever i need to be.

when you are 28 and have never experienced this kind of thing before – it’s hard to know what you are supposed to feel – or what feelings you are supposed to accept and which feelings you are supposed to push away.  yesterday while sitting in the hospital and then back at N&Es house i felt myself overwhelmed by feelings that i know don’t really matter right now.  it’s a wasted emotion to be so frustrated by the envelopes that fill so many draws.  its a wasted emotion to be angry about things that happened so many years ago.  i feel sad, but that’s clouded by the other stuff…and on top of that, the enormous amount of worry that i have for all of us who will be left behind.

still, as much as all of this sucks (which we are trying to get NANI to say), life still has its priorities.  i took NANI to the beauty parlor yesterday am (after all, it was friday) and she had her hair done.  and MARTIN insisted that i couldn’t leave unless he trimmed mine (it’s currently way too short and way too poofy – neither of these things come as a surprise…it may not be what i want, but i know its a fabulous haircut).  and i had a chopped salad for dinner.  and i had a celebrity sighting.

from the ridiculous to the ridiculous.