i’ve been on and off grumpy for the past 36 hours.  and if you ask me, i have good reason.

here’s the background:

when ABN and i were in LA a couple of weeks ago (it feels like a lifetime at this point) NANI gave me a piece of jewelry.  it was an incredibly generous gesture – something that i had lusted after for years.  the original plan had been for NANI to have the stone appraised and reset and then eventually she would gift it to me – but in the last years its become more difficult for her to get from point A to point B and she she decided it would be best for me to take the necklace as is, and have it reset myself (deep down i know that once she see’s the stone reset she’ll want it back – which is fine – it’s happened before).

anyway having the necklace reset meant finding a jeweler.  as a woman, i know that having a jeweler is an important part of life and so i dispatched ABN to our trusted guide – YELP.  next thing i knew we were wandering through the labyrinth that is the SF diamond distract – me: happy as a clam, ABN: clamming up.  after we made a plan for the stone (i’m super excited – even if i have to give it back for a while) i turned over my engagement ring – this is where the moodiness comes in.

ever since ABN proposed (at walden pond – it was pre-blogging days, but maybe one day i’ll give you the magical recap – it involves chapstick) there’s been a nick in the band of the ring.  it’s possible i didn’t say anything because i was so in love (with him and the ring) that it simply didn’t matter.  but as time has gone on, it’s not only the nick but the diamonds too – they’re moving.

that's CASTLE ROOMATE doing her duties on my wedding day, wearing my engagement ring and one of the wedding bands - while i got married in just the comfort fit. did i mention i'm going to be a bride's maid on her big day?!

anyone who knows me in real life knows 1. that i have the most beautiful engagement ring in all the world and 2. it’s not traditional (after all i’m not a traditional kind of girl).  not only did ABN listen to my request when choosing a ring (for something different) but he took a major risk – and for those two things i love him and my ring even more.  but as the jeweler began to tell me that this would continue to happen, that the tiny diamonds would continue to shift, my anxiety began to rise and i began to question if i had forced him (yet again – i have this hang up that i’m constantly forcing ABN into decisions he isn’t quite ready to make) to make a choice that wasn’t right.  these feelings only grew when the jeweler – in illustrating his point, cleaned the ring in some sort of shaker with sound waves, and a number of diamonds fell out.

the jeweler didn’t seem to think this was a big deal – as he said, everything can be fixed.  ABN didn’t seem to think it was a big deal – we’ll just fix it and when we need to, we’ll fix it again.  but me – i pretty much lost it and and although i keep putting myself back together, when i sit still for long enough (mostly while reading the final TWILIGHT book) i get upset all over again.

ABN suggested that maybe i should begin to wear my ring on only special occasions – or at least not every day.  and i’m a girl who is often happiest in just her yellow-gold, comfort fit, wedding band (it happens i have two wedding bands but that’s a story for another post) – i feel retro and utterly BRIDE.  but just knowing that i shouldn’t be wearing my engagement ring on a daily basis makes obscenely messy.

i sound like a spoiled brat – i know.  which makes me messy-er.

and so – i’m making an indian feast – cause and effect?  the lamb curry has 45 minutes left in the slow cooker and the rice is still warming.  i made rice pudding too.  i’m a good wife – a good wife who can’t wear her freakin’ engagement ring!