okay so i didn’t quite make my 7am goal this morning – but its 7:30 and i’m out of the shower so i’m not way off.  my biggest issue thus far is that i didn’t wake up to the freshly brewed coffee smell – something must be terribly wrong.  apparently i had forgotten to plug in my coffee maker – i’m so out of practice.  but now with the coffee percolating…

this weekend is my 10 year high school reunion (and in this case, high school refers to those traumatizing year at THE BIG M).  just to take away any sense of wonder that might exist out there – i’m not going.  in the past i have been quoted as saying, you’d have to drug me, drag and i’d still kick and scream the entire way.  but in recent months, after reconnecting with one person in particular i’ve had a slight change of heart (note: slight).  while i’m not going, and my parents are coming to town for a little family vacation (i know, so out character for us) so i didn’t have to SERSIOUSLY consider it, i do wonder what it would be like to walk back on to that campus (which looks strangely like an asylum…coincidence?) and breathe in that air.  would i even survive?

all of this HS talk brings to me to my point, WTF: DOES ANYONE REALLY ENJOY THEIR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION?  don’t get me wrong…i get the curiosity.  as possibly the MOST curious person on the planet, i am litterally breaking out in hives (lice?!) in wonderment.  i want to know every last detail about their lives now and what has gone on – i just want to do it from a bird’s eye view, a safe distance.  where no one can see me or talk to me.  i’d pay a huge amount of money for a one-way mirror.

there’s no question that my high school experience was miserable.  i’m fairly certain that life between the ages of 14-17 would have been rough wherever i was, but THE BIG M set me up for major dysfunction.  we all had the best of intentions – girls who didn’t care about their appearance, forming life long friendships while bonding over bubbling beakers and cross-country college tours.  no one talked about the waif-skinny pill poppers who self destructed over the pressure to be everything an M girl was supposed to be while destroying anyone of their life-long-friends who got in their way.  but enough about that.

i’ve heard that i missed out on the big changes.  that the last two years, when i was miserable on the east coast, all those girls who spent so much energy making each other miserable, really came together – mostly on the beaches of hawaii.  and i’m totally jealous of that experience and wish i had been there.  but i wasn’t.  and so i’m left with the rest.  shiver.

that being said, when pressed to be completely honest with myself, these moments of PURE JOY stick out:

• dressing up as TWEEDLE DEE and TWEEDLE DUMB one halloween with LINDSAY, and decorating massive chinese lanterns, that we would later wear, in her back yard
• Ms. Putnman’s southern drawl, referring to her students as her VIOLETS
• being charged with making the mix tape that was played during our COLOR presentation
• working with EMMA to personally save MY SO-CALLED LIFE
• home-based manicures with MICHELE – she could do clouds AND plaid!
• doing tech with STACY – i’m not sure if it was the TECH itself or just feeling like i had a purpose

um…yeah i think that’s about it.

if at all possible, my BFF while at the BIG M was even more messed up than i was, but she’s totally come through it and her life today looks about 180 degrees different then it did way back when.  she recnetly shocked me when she told me she planned to hit up the reunion.  why would she put herself through it?  but she explained herself perfectly – she missed out on so much of the typical high school experience – and no one got a chance to know her.  and as she says, everyone one of us has gone through our personal breakdowns – she just happened to go first – and quite dramatically.  but she’s good now, and she wants people to know that….i’m impressed.

so for all you VIOLETS gathering together this weekend – i’m thinking of you.  and a little bit wishing i could be there.  but also, eternally grateful that i’m not.  enjoy the tea party!  i can’t wait to see the pictures on facebook!