i’m home after less than 15 minutes in PINEAPPLE NATION. once again, walking to work was anything but average.

after listening to the latest RACHEL MADDOW podcast, and catching up with JEWISH BARBIE, i realized that there were large crowds of protesters gathering on the corners along market street. as the masses grew i began to notice the signs that so many were carrying – gaza = warsaw ghetto. zionism = hate. chanting – hey hey ho ho, israel has got to go. by the time i got to work, pushing through the crowds i was a full blown mess – hands shaking, sweat collecting in the curve of my back, i felt sick. i had to get out of there. luckily, as i have come to expect, the store was dead quiet and the manager on duty was glad to let me, a colorless ghost of my usually beaming self, head out.

it’s sunny here, not a cloud in the sky and i felt like being outside and catching my breath was the best thing i could do – so i started walking the way i had come. i had heard, from the girls who started working at the same time as me, that there was a protest rally planned for union square, hence the large crowds. so i walked in the opposite direction, back to market street, and up, in the direction of home. but the rally was moving – the protesters were marching…from the civic center – where i had first encountered them, directly in my direction – and i was about to walk right through the center of it all.

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i crave peace. for myself. for my future children. and for the strangers i don’t know who live on the other side of the world. and at the same time – i believe deeply in my homeland. i understand the undying need for a jewish state – for a place where the jewish people can always go and find safety.

stepping off the airplane and walking across the tarmac, i felt a force that literally threw me to the ground, warm through my hands and knees. a sense of belonging that i did not know i had been searching for and that i continue to long for; to feel again and again. walking through the shuck in jerusalem – understanding only every 6 words at best, getting lost in the pushcarts and the and vegetable stands. walking in circles trying to find the right bus. feeling found for the first time…ever. feeling a safety that has nothing to do with barricades or sirens – a safety that has to do with belonging.

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i live a world away from this reality but today – i felt close again. i worry about her future and mine. as i walked down the street, against the banners and tshirts and chanting, i wondered if the prostestors knew my truth.

and if they feel the same way about me that i do about them.

their words scared me.

their slogans hurt me.

and i walked quickly up the hill.

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i’m sitting on my back deck now. it’s sunny but cold – in a soothing way. i’m listening to folk music and writing. but i’m distracted by the men hanging out on the deck in the house behind mine. they are drunk. and rowdy. and leave me feeling uneasy and like i’m 11 again. they remind me of my walk home. and i wonder if they know they are disturbing my peace.