i think i’ve mentioned here before that i often have really vivid dreams. sometimes they are the good kind of vivid – yes, that kind of good…and sometimes they are not. like really really not. like buildings blowing up because of something i did, kind of not. they are hard to wake up from, because i’m always fairly sure that i’m not really sleeping, that the things that are happening in the dreams are really happening and then when i do force myself awake, well, its hard to fall back asleep because i’m scared of what i might find.

recent dreams include: my cousins being real live vampires, watching people wash the windows of a really high building that i’m working in and then watching them fall, driving a car with people in the backseat who start bleeding for no reason and not being able to find a hospital. toasters electicuting people i love. this problem is bad…and it seems to be getting worse.

lately i’ve been having dreams where i fight with ABN. and its awful. in real life our relationship has never been better, but in my dreams either he’s being mean or i’m feeling hurt and i continually wake up thinking its real. it’s gotten to the point where i mope in the morning and ABN has to remind me that it was only a dream. even knowing the truth, it still takes me a few hours to get over my feelings of being so hurt and angry. what is wrong with me?

ABN never remembers his dreams. it makes me angry. i feel like he gets to sleep peacefully while i twist and turn and my mind races. every now and then he’ll yell, audibly, in the middle of the night (i actually do a great impression), signalling that he’s having a nightmare. but being the good partner that i am, i’ll rub his back to wake him up and tell him he’s only dreaming. before the words are completely out of my mouth he’ll roll over and go back to sleep – remembering nothing of the episode in the morning.

then again, he doesn’t get to remember those good kind of vivid dreams either – so i guess it evens out in the end.

in other news, the secret life of the american teenager?!?! was it always this christian right-wing show? i mean, i knew it was preachy and i knew it was bad (but still, i had to watch) but now…it’s inescapable. i’m not sure i can watch any more. i mean who am i kidding, i can’t stop but i just want the world to know – it’s awful.

oh and i after saturday’s events i started wearing my star of david. it’s weird, i haven’t worn it since college but i felt like it was the right time. or something. anyway…one of the LITTLE GIRLS in petites noticed my star on monday. her response was priceless – “you’re jewish? that’s so cute!” wow.