when ABN was little, he dreamed about being a fire truck when he grew up. i like to think that he knew what he was talking about = that he saw that it was imperative for fire fighters to have the right tools – the right support ot help them do their very important job. ABN wasn’t so into the idea of being the person to run into a burning building but, if he could provide the means – in a steramlined, effecient manner – he was the man for the job! it’s not too far from my understanding of what ABN is doing today. he’s not super interested in building the product, but if he can study it and come up with ways for it to work better, to be of greater help to the people using the product, he’s all over it. too bad he can’t have a sire and flashing lights – i think he would feel completely fulfilled. maybe that’s why his bike is all tricked out…red and blinky…so embarassing.

my TALL friend wanted to be the PROFILER. remember the mid 90s show starring ALI WALKER? if you can forget the fact that her husband was brutally murdered by the serial killer that she was constantly tracking – the profiler had a lot going for her. she was totally hot and smart and had this insane photographic memory – and seemed to see things in a blue hue. she was the best FBI agent keeping the streets and her daughter, the only whitness to her husband’s murder – safe. and she was sleeping with Julian McMahon – or she should have been, i can’t remember if they got that far before the show was cancelled. Eventually my TALL friend took the LSAT and is now practicing real estate law – but part of me believes its only a cover for her real job tracking down america’s most wanted.

CURLY wanted to be a rabbi from day one. at least day one of the history of us…which may as well have been day one. she’s changing the world – which may not have been her vision all those years ago…but every day she is doing, at least i think, what she set out do with her life. and she’s really really amazing at it. it’s what she was meant to be…and do.

and then there’s me. never with a clear picture. from suicide to selling clothes…always more comfortable with a pen in my hand. but i know, just because i woke up one morning and decided that really, i’m a writer, doesn’t make it real. i can’t continue to do what i am currently doing just because i’m unsure about what comes next. It’s time to move forward, or to maybe take a step back…but i can’t just coast.

i’m trying to get out…i just don’t know where to go.