i am addicted. if i catch one episode, of basically anything, i have to add it to my dvr. i need to know what happens next. i can’t be cut off, i can’t just walk away. i need my shows, and i sort of feel like they need me too.

this morning i realized that i had missed the season finale of rock of love 2 and i sort of wanted to cry. the show will repeat 1000 times in the next two weeks and by tomorrow afternoon i will successfully have dvrd (my favorite verb) it. i don’t love bret michaels (although i am curious if his forehead is really as high as his perpetual bandanna makes it appear) and i was thoroughly disgusted by the girls who were competing to be a “rock star girlfriend.” but once i caught one episode (most likely on a long winter weekend afternoon as ABN worked on the dissertation) i was captivated. and just to be clear. i know who won (and who lost) and that does not satisfy my need at all and i don’t feel like it was “spoiled” either. i live for the drama.

my tv watching habits fall into a few different categories. shows about crime, shows about buying/making things, shows in which there is a high probability that someone will either get pregnant, steal someone else’s boyfriend, have their hair pulled, and/or overdose all while wearing beautiful clothes, and, shows that i watch with ABN.

i can sit and watch the crime shows for days (and my couch has the butt imprint to prove it). whether grissom and i are able to identify when the murder took place due to the age of the maggots found near the bodies, or i’m noticing that olivia is taking another rape case too personally, or i am solving a case from 1987 because i can identify the B-52′s song i hear playing in the background or i can’t stop dreaming about anthony lapaglia – i can’t turn it off. it doesn’t matter the show, or the season or the order or the cop (except where anthony lapaglia is concerned but technically he is FBI so that makes him in a different class anyway). i have to physically force myself to not watch CSI NY, Criminal Intent and NCIS because i fear that if i allow any more of these shows to infiltrate my life i will have no choice but to go under cover at the dunkin donuts around the corner – after all, i have worked so hard to fine tune my crime-solving skills.

home improvement/cooking shows are a fairly new addition to my tv viewing world and i think it is a combination of having dvr (so i can be less picky and have more options) as well as my stage of life. i am fascinated by people who are buying houses (regardless of where and for what price) and dishes that other people cook - that maybe i can cook too (just not nearly as quickly and minus the pork).

90210 was the catalyst for the OTHER type of drama i choose to devour. i have watched every episode and happily re-watch episodes as they air on soapnet (there was a while i was DVRring them but then my short and curly friend bought me the first three seasons on dvd). i can identify an episode in the first 16 seconds, its really quite remarkable. i strongly believe that gossip girl is the best thing on tv, largely because they were able to pack all the drama of 10 seasons of 90210 into the first hour long episode (i’ll let you think about it for a minute. okay, good). i put most reality tv in this category as well – when you get right down to it, the common denominator really is the catfight. it goes beyond tv for me. i feel like the 20 seasons of the real world are people i have grown up with – i care about them – in a completely unhealthy, one-sided way. i wish i could say that rock of love 2 was the lowest of the low but while i have successfully steered clear of recent seasons of the bachelor, there’s a chance i watched every episode of the high school reunion AND paradise hotel 2 (and my all time favorite was celebrity intervention…okay i’m done!).

and finally the shows i watch with ABN – there are exactly 3 of them, and they are never all at the same time of year, and two of them are on a network we don’t get which means we only watch when they come out on DVD, much, much later. i do love jim and pam, and i am fascinated by the whole polygamy thing. larry david just makes me uncomfortable – there is no way around it. but the main reason i watch is to share my tv experience with ABN. i know he doesn’t get it, and while he enjoys these 3 shows, i know its not the same rush i get. but there’s nothing as good as watching him bop during the opening credits of curb.

there is a possibility this post has gotten a bit too personal. i have revealed my most personal side. there are no links the shows that i find truly shaming…still, if this is my greatest vice…scratch that, paradise hotel 2 – REALLY DANGEROUS.