hi all – no, i didn’t decide to take another blogging hiatus – just went down to LA for a few days to be with NANI for her birthday and visit with GRANDMA and PAPA JOE and so blogging simply fell by the wayside.  while i was gone ABN did a little blog maintenance that i didn’t even know that i needed but now i’m back and you know, as good as new.

LA as always, was a mixed bag.  so good to be with NANI, just sitting on her green velor chair while she lays on her pink couch – that permanently holds the mold of her body.  so good to force feed her chocolate cake and turkey breast and some chalky orange protein drink that is supposed to make the HUGE wound on her foot heal more quickly (it’s really awful and maybe one day i’ll go into it in more detail because when i close my eyes it’s ALL I SEE).  so good to see GRANDMA and PAPA JOE (even with a fractured knee) and D and best of all JESSICA and BABY MAX (i thanked him for coming so far to see me and he responded, “it’s cool man!”).  but hard too.  not only is NANI in serious pain (again, the foot…it’s awful) but her heart is so totally broken that it makes my heart break all over again.  i feel so lucky to be able to spend this time with her – to have made the choices that i have made in the last couple of months that make it possible to go to to LA for days at a time whenever i want.  but leaving is hard and saying goodbye sucks.

one funny story – so ROXANNA, the housekeeper/GOD is about to bring lunch into NANI on friday afternoon after a multitude of drs appointments and a quick trip to MARTIN (yes, i got a cut!).  but first she pulls me aside, she’s holding a small container of beans – black and edamame, from WHOLE FOODS.

R: i’m going to give these to your grandmother, she says.  and i’m going to say they were your idea.  that way she will eat them

LBN: okay but it will never work – my mom and i always say things were you’re idea in order to get her to do something (remember – ROXANNA = GOD).

we walk into the den, where NANI is on her couch.

NANI: (a scowl on her face) WHAT are those? (she points at the beans and sorta sticks out her tongue).

R: elizabeth told me to get them.  she said they would be good for you.

NANI: oh, well, okay (she proceeds to eat every bite – roxanna walks out of the room shaking her head – i sit there with my mouth hanging wide open in disbelief – i swear, nothing like this has ever happened before).  these are WONDERFUL – where did you ever get anything so good?

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this week a multitude of RABBI friends have descended on SF for some conference.  i feel less anxious just knowing they are in my city.

have i mentioned my bathroom recently?  the good news – we have a door (particle board but still) to the bathroom.  the bad news?  the bolt lock on our front door fell out.  i didn’t even know that was possible.

so yesterday was the big birthday and by big i mean, i turned 29 and i feel old.  if i was still living on the east coast and was still surrounded by friends who were at least two years older than me, i’m not sure i’d be feeling as old as i feel.  but as i’m living on the west coast and the majority of my friends are a few years younger – i’m feeling it.  i don’t feel bad about turning 29 – or anxious.  nope.  just old.

so, in honor of turning 29 (yesterday), 29 things that you may not know:

1. the OSCARS are like the biggest night of my whole year.  I LOVE IT.  in a perfect world i start early in the day, in my pajamas.  i drink wine-coolers and munch on appetizers from TRADER JOE’S frozen food aisle.  i watch all of the red carpet (live) and call my mom at the commercials so that we can discuss who rocked it – and who failed.  i print an oscar ballot.  i talk to my tv.  and my very favorite part is the in memorium.  growing up my mom and i would sit behind tv trays and eat ribs from TONY ROMAS.  this year i’ll be in LA with NANI.  we’ll eat dinner in bed.

2. for my birthday ABN had my engagement ring remade.  it’s a really long story that you can read more about here.  but isn’t the final result gorgeous:

3. i’m actively working to reduce my caffine intake.  it’s not going so well.

4. i’m currently reading a book about jonestown.  i know.  there is something wrong with me.

5. i’m consideirng bangs.  i’ve had bangs before and i’m considering it again.  i’m just not sure if i’m ready for this kind of commitment.

6. now that i don’t have to get dressed for work everyday (i consider it a win when i remember a bra) i’ve decided to challenge myself with an outfit post once a week.  what’s an outfit post?  funny that you ask.  basically i put together an outfit and then take a photo of it and share it with all of you.  ready for the first one?  here’s what i wore to birthday dinner last night:

blaser: old navy, blouse: BR, skirt: f21, boots: ambiance, bows: f21

7. i cook some damn good brussel sprouts

8. i love my bed – it was the bed i had when i lived in LA.  it’s a super high sleigh bed and if i had my way i’d sleep in it for ever and ever.  but in my old age, i’m starting to have trouble getting up on the bed.

9. for the first time in my adult life, my job doesn’t control every decision i make

10. tonight ABN and i are beginning a new weekly ritual.  one night each week we will not turn on the tv or computer (you can probably figure out which will be of great challenge to each of us).  instaed we’ll cook dinner together (i usually do most of that before he gets home) and then read or play a game or something.  aren’t we cute?  we’ll see.

11. in an effort to continue THE GREAT APARTMENT ORGANIZATION OF 2010 i moved my jewelry to new little trays that neatly stack on top of one another.  it’s totally great.  i want to put everything in my life into little compartments.

12. our bathroom is in the middle of a rehab.  it started this morning and it is supposed to wrap up tomorrow.  we currently have no shower and no sink.  the toilet works so i shouldn’t complain.  but most likely i’ll smell tomorrow – just a bit.

13. i get anxious when we’ve had a netflix for over a week.

14. even though i blog several times a week – i often say that i’m not actively writing because i’m not producing anything real

15. one day i want to write something real

16. losing EDDIE has been more painful than i ever could have imagined.  i find myself thinking about him many times a day.  all i want is for him to answer the phone and say, “oh, it’s the queen of the north”

17. i’m overwhelmed by the amount of food in my refridgerator, but maybe ABN can eat it all when i’m in LA this weekend

18. i still want gray boots

19. i save links from decorating websites.  like, hundreds of them.  i have no idea if i’ll ever do anything with them

20. i check PEOPLE.COM like 10 times a day.  sunday is my least favorite day of the week because usually the website isn’t updated

21. i want to be friends with JILL ZARIN

22. if i need a nail file and can’t get to one, i’m incapable of focusing on anything else (which is the current situation)

23. i’m hate confrontation – i’d rather just pout and stamp my foot.  lame.  i know.  it’s something i’m working on.  it’s going about as well as my efforts with caffine.

24. it has rained on 27 of 29 birthdays.  regardless of what city i live in – it rains

25. ABN thinks that i take showers that are too hot.  every time he takes a shower he has to turn down the temperature because i leave it up too high.  i know that it’s too hot but i can’t help myself.

26. i get an itchy back from my hot showers

27. i can’t fly without the newest issue of people magazine

28. THE PENGUIN.  do you have one yet?  A.MAZ.ING

29. i’m going to be 30 on my next birthday.  holy hell.

a lovely weekend spent hanging out with ABN’s cousins and aunt and uncle.  brunch has got to be the best meal – i mean you get the best of everything – and you still get to end with dessert.  there was also time spent reading, watching the olympics and you know, eating burritos – because a weekend in SF would be incomplete without one.  ABN and i got up early yesterday and after dropping the remaining cousin at the airport we walked up to the top of TWIN PEAKS and looked down at our city.

i’m spending the day catching up on the work i let pile up this weekend.  i’m eye-ing the small pile of envelopes and packages that are collecting on our doorstep for my birthday.  tomorrow, in honor of my 29th (holy shit) it will rain (as it should) and i will take myself to a chick flick in the afternoon before dinner with ABN at a place that’s been on our list since we first landed here.  then it’s time to gear up for another few days in LA and oscar viewing with NANI.

it’s no secret (to me) that i read A LOT of fashion blogs (dude, i really need to update my links!).  i find it super fascinating what people who i don’t know are wearing.  i like to see what they pair together and where they find their best finds.  so today, in honor of my fashion blogs, i’m taking a little (tiny) fashion risk of my own.  i’ve got this dress (that is like 7 times too short) that i think looks better as a skirt so i’ve thrown on a long sleeve tshirt over the top.  it’s a bit bulky (i blame the tshirt – it wasn’t my initial choice but i dribbled milk down the front of first one i threw on) but i’m loving that it’s style i sorta made up myself.  if you’re lucky – i’ll post my first outfit pic tomorrow.

stay tuned…

guys – i woke up in an uber bad mood this morning.  i don’t know why.  all i know is – stay out of my way!

being moody has (apparently) been part of my M.O. since way back when.  there were definitely years in my life that others (MOM and DAD) have described as my mood years.  what does that even mean?  it means i shut down, i stomp, i pout and i whine.  good times – i know.  i think the big change between today and moods of years passed is that i’m aware, and willing to admit, that the mood has set in.  before i’d deny it until the bitter end.

so yeah – i’m in a mood and i don’t really have much else to say.

other than the fact that it’s so windy i feel like my house might take off a la WIZARD OF OZ.

i was up working early this morning – and by up and working i mean sitting at my desk in pajamas after dragging my ass out of bed at 8:55 (this is no the norm for me, don’t worry).  but i got done what i needed to get done and now i’m headed to the grocery store.  ABN’s aunt/uncle/cousins are coming to brunch tomorrow and i’m doing some prep.  i’m hoping a little LADY GAGA and GRANDMA’S CHOCOLATE CAKE will make for a better day.

okay – so embarassing but…

1. i dvr THE VIEW everyday

2. i’m watching this now, as i type.

3. NADYA SULEMAN is even crazier than i ever, EVER understood.

i think i also forgot to mention that i went  to visit THE EXPERT at PINEAPPLE NATION on monday before mahj.  it was sorta depressing how much had changed – and how much hadn’t.  and the fact that the clothes are way too expensive (and cheaply made) without the discount.

and – my legs are blue.  i wore jeans on monday – not new jeans, but jeans that i’ve worn maybe 150 times before (and that’s being conservative) and when i took them off, my thighs were blue.  and now, two days and two showers later, they are still blue.  thoughts? concerns?

did i mention i’m making a turkey breast for dinner?  ABN is so lucky (although he’d probably prefer leg of lamb).

i know i’ve talked about mahj often, but i don’t think i’ve said much about the wonderful ladies that i play with.  it’s a totally random group of girls – who all came together at camp last summer (yep, they worked for me.  they have to be my friends).  we’ve become great friends over passing tiles.  we know that 5 girls in their 20s playing mahj is not typical.  we are definitely a lively bunch – drinking wine, gossiping, calling our mom’s for guidance.  we have nicknames and plans for tshirts and even a set of plastic chanukah cups from target.  they’ve been incredibly supportive throughout the last few months.  i feel incredibly lucky to have such good friends in my city.

each girl is worthy of her own blog post and over time i’m sure that will come – but after playing last night i’m left with thinking about something that MAHJ IN ERROR said.

poor MAHJ IN ERROR (MIE from here on out).   she recently tore her ACL and MCL and probably a few other CL things that i don’t know about.  i’m so impressed by her positive attitude.  if i tore anything, or you know, stubbed my toe, i’d be bitching (and have bitched) from here to mars, but this girl is all whatevs, i just got into grad school, i went antiquing last weekend, i had a birthday party where i told everyone to wear pajamas and they did – MAHJONG!  she’s also the only girl in the group who didn’t grow up playing mahjong (oh wait, i didn’t grow up playing mahjong either – i knew there was a reason i felt a special kind of connection) and she’s totally picked up the game and isn’t afraid to ask questions or talk while playing or fuck it all up (hence her nickname).

so last night she’s talking about how on top of everything else her workman’s comp money isn’t coming through and in my head i’m all – if this was me i’d be having all kinds of panic attacks and she’s all – yeah it sucks but i decided if i have surgery, i’m just going to write a book.  what the what?  if i had surgery, i’d sit on my ass all day and eat chocolate fudge brownie ice cream, i’m just saying.

she said that she wants to write about being 24 and having had 12 different best friends (okay, it was actually way deeper and more introspective than that but, i need to get to my point eventually).  as the other girls gabbed about their friendship histories i silently passed my tiles, half listening to them, and half thinking about myself and my many friendship pasts.  when i was 24 (which with my birthday approaching feels like a freaking long time ago), i think i could have also said that i had averaged a new best friend about every 2 years.  some friendships lasted (and in some cases continue to last) longer – but most my friendships in the past have been transient at best – transient and intense.

at some point we can talk about this more (i think about it A LOT) but what i didn’t say last night (mostly because i didn’t fully understand it until i was wide awake at 3:30 this morning – earthquake, anyone?? i could have sworn…) is that my friendships that have continued since i was 24 are the strongest friendships i’ve ever had.  i’m not sure if it has to do with age, or ABN, or life circumstances or simply knowing what i need from friends and what they need from me.  but i see a really big difference in my relationships.  and while i may not have a new best friend every two years – i’m pretty sure the old friends that i have and the new friends that i make – are in it for the long haul.

MAHJONG!

back from hawaii – back in my local starbucks – back to blogging – and tonight – back to mahj.  it’s not a bad transition back to reality if i do say so myself.

our little escape was exactly that.  sure, i called home (see MOM, i called your house home!) and NANI every other day – but it’s just my natural way and a natural way really shouldn’t be messed with – even while on vacation.  i thought about not calling, but if i hadn’t called i would have just obsessed about calling so really, picking up the phone was the better, saner option.

there’s no doubt about it – i’m pink.  my chest and the top of one ass cheek are possibly on the red-er side of pink, but since pink is my favorite color, i’ll argue that until the bitter end.  but pink, once in a blue moon, isn’t such a bad thing – at least in my warped brain.  i’m covered head to toe in freckles – like a lot of freckles – like one big freckle – which i love.  i look healthy and like i’ve been sitting in the sun for the last seven days – which is exactly how it’s been.

highlights included – in no particular order:

• making a list of pros and cons before deciding what bedroom in our vacation rental we would sleep in – yes there were multiple options
• opening all the windows so that we could hear the waves and feel the ocean breeze while we slept
• cooking fresh fish – fish tacos and tuna steaks
• sending ABN for a snack while we were on the beach and having him return with PORK NACHOS – best.snack.ever.
• becoming the mayor of JO-JOs shaved ice (i just checked, my reign is ongoing!)
• reading – two vanity fairs,  one book about infertility (recommended for work – CLUE), BORN ROUND, 7 new yorkers AND STILL dreaming about a KINDLE (after making ABN carry my suitcase full of books, i think i’m a little closer)
• teaching ABN how to boogie board (and by teaching i mean standing on the beach as he hops over waves, nudging young children out of the way in order to secure the best angle and then rides said wave all the way into the sand bank.  its possible after a couple of hours he decided we could no longer share one boogie board and went back to rent a second.  best $3 ever spent).
• finding PU’NANI coffee
• fried scallops at the BEACH HOUSE
• sunsets and scrabble every night on the beach ACROSS THE STREET from our rental
• not puking on the ride to WAIMEA CANYON
• ABN listening to endless amounts of LADY GAGA AND PARTY IN THE USA
• the washing machine and dryer in our vacation rental (at least i’m consistent)
• A PRESIDENT FROM HAWAII
• every night, post shower, ABN says – you’re hair is so red and you are one big freckle!
• flip flops and bathing suits 24/7
• talking about putting another vacation on the calendar – FEBRUARY 2012!!

our sunset beach

basking in the glow of not puking during our twisty, turny, bumpy ride

ABN in all his boogie-boarding glory

alright, starbucks smells like peptobismol – a suprisingly comforting smell, but i’ve probably over stayed my welcome/i have a conference call.

we’re heading out tomorrow for a much deserved vacay.  i know it seems like we travel a lot – and we do – but tried and true vacations, especially those that are for just the two us – are few and far between.  we’ve been planning this one for basically the last year and a half and by planning i mean we’ve had a “vacation just the two of us” marked on the calendar.  we made plane and hotel reservations a few months ago.  and that’s the extent of any plans.  which seems perfect.

i’ve packed.  a suitcase full of dresses and flip flops and bathing suits and books.  now ABN just has to come home from his conference in phoenix (of course his flight was delayed) and then we can go.  i’ve already told him that if for some reason he can’t make it back in time, i’m heading there without him.  i figure he’ll find his way

i hear there’s no blogging while on vacation – so i’ll catch you on the flipside.  until then, mahalo, and thank you.

i’m currently at starbucks doing my thang and i’m sitting next to the weirdest.guy.ever.  he keeps doing this thing where he blows air through his mouth and it rattles his cheeks.  and he’s bouncing his knee like a just potty trained 4 year old who doesn’t want to draw attention to himself by asking where the nearest toilet is so instead he’ll just shake and shimmy until he pees in pants – just a little.  i hate this man with a passion – but the starbucks is crowded and even if i did move to the other side of the place it’s not like i could ignore him at this point.  his one saving grace is that while they played LIZ PHAIR he sang along.  so i hate him a little bit less.  but just a little.

in other news – is anyone else craving a red velvet cupcake?

i woke up about 2:30 this morning – unable to fall back asleep.  it’s the first time this has happened in a while and it left me feeling upset, unsettled and worried.  as if losing her husband of 63 years wasn’t enough, NANI has had a rough go of it for the last few days and somehow, it dawned on me in the middle of the night, that things might be worse than i had allowed myself to understand.  instead of doing the rational thing (because i rarely do the rational thing) which includes getting up, taking an ativan, and climbing back into bed – i laid still for 4 more hours staring straight up at the ceiling, getting more and more upset while sweating like a feverish beast.  at 6:30 i shook ABN and then propelled myself out of bed to call my mom (don’t ask me why i waited that long as it was already 9:30 on the east coast).  because she’s mother, when the phone stopped ringing the first words out of her mouth were: what’s wrong?

so i did what i do best – i cried while she told me that while things aren’t really okay, they are okay enough.  NANI is going back to the doctor today.  she’s being taken care of.  i can’t write about what i’m really worried about here because i know it’s not the place.  if i don’t actually write down my real fears, then you can’t prove i’m thinking it.  i’m sure that if you read between the lines, its not a far stretch.  i’m still reeling from the events of this fall and i hurts to much to consider going through anything like that again.  NANI and i are connected by more than just our red hair.

after hanging up with my mom and snotting all over ABN, i fell into the deepest sleep imaginable and dreamed that i had ripped off each of my fingernails.  when i woke up it was 8:45, ABN was on a conference call and i was confused by what was real and what was imagined.

to make myself feel better i’ve dog-eared every other page of the GARNET HILL catalogue.  i recently went on their website and requested that i receive a copy in the mail rather than just get emails about sales and such.  NANI’s house is piled high with catalogues.  when i was in town at the beginning of the month we went through three baskets (which is just the beginning) and got rid of MOST mailings prior to 1999 (most).  when my family first moved to CT, NANI sent endless amounts of flannel sheets from GARENT HILL – i’d wrap myself in brightly colored butterflies and and blue and lavender stars.  the softest sheets – the highest quality.  the last thing i need right now are flannel sheets – but as i thumb through the pages of the catalogue, i can’t really imagine wanting anything more.